With a contract extension that could make even the most seasoned professional athletes jealous, Geno Auriemma has solidified his place at UConn through the 2028-29 season. The deal, valued at a whopping $18.7 million, ensures that the maestro of women's basketball will continue to orchestrate his magic on the court for another five years.

This marks the end of speculation that Auriemma might retire soon. One can imagine his breakfast conversation—“Honey, should I retire?” likely thwarted by the seductive allure of a $2.94 million paycheck each year strictly for speaking, consulting, and media obligations. Combine that with a base salary of $400,000 annually, and you've got enough cash to fund the next NASA mission to Mars.

Performance-based incentives could bump up the contract's value even further, though with Auriemma's track record, those bonuses are practically already in the bag. After all, the man just clinched his 1,200th career win and has a winning percentage of .882. Who needs luck when you've got Geno?

Auriemma's previous contract was due to expire in April 2025, putting the collective anxiety of UConn fans and basketball enthusiasts to rest. “We were about to start a GoFundMe,” joked one particularly die-hard fan. But with this new extension, it seems Auriemma is here to stay—although it probably didn't hurt that he'll be the highest-paid women's basketball coach in the nation, surpassing LSU's Kim Mulkey.

UConn President Radenka Maric couldn't be prouder, acknowledging Geno's lasting positive influence not just on the basketball court but across the state of Connecticut. One might say the man has etched his name into Connecticut's state constitution, somewhere between “right to assemble” and a preference for lobster rolls.

The ink on this lucrative deal creates an optimistic atmosphere as Connecticut eyes the upcoming season as national championship contenders. Having reached the Final Four last season, the expectations are high. The return of star guard Paige Bueckers for her redshirt senior season certainly doesn’t hurt their odds either.

As of now, Tara VanDerveer's record of 1,216 wins represents the only summit left for Auriemma to conquer. With VanDerveer stepping down last April, Geno is expected to surpass her within the first month of the 2024-25 season, cementing his status as the most successful coach in the sport. It could be said, he’s not chasing records; records tremble at the mere thought of him.

UConn fans can rejoice, knowing that the tenure of their Hall of Fame coach, who has led the team to a staggering 11 national championships and 23 Final Fours, will continue. And let’s not forget those glorious six perfect seasons—an accomplishment so surreal it has opposing teams considering careers in interpretive dance instead.

Thus, as the 2024-25 season marks Auriemma’s 40th season at UConn, little should be deemed surprising except, perhaps, the extraterrestrial forces not yet claiming him as their own for universal basketball coaching. For now, Geno Auriemma remains the captain of UConn's spaceship, with a gleaming contract to fuel his journey to even greater heights.

So here's to Geno Auriemma: Super Coach of UConn, Marvel of the Hardwood, and, perhaps most accurately, a man who knows the true meaning of the phrase "worth every penny."