In the sleepy town of Lincoln, Nebraska, a 74-year-old woman, Constance Glantz, has managed to do what many of us only dream of: rise from the dead to give everyone a collective heart attack. Declared dead not once, but twice, Glantz took a proverbial "hold my beer" moment to showcase that rumors of her demise were greatly exaggerated.

According to reports from ABC and NBC, Constance Glantz was declared dead at a nursing home in Lincoln early one fateful morning. To say this was a clerical error of undead proportions would be putting it mildly.

The local Butherus-Maser & Love Funeral Home was tasked with handling what many assumed was a straightforward transfer. However, during what was expected to be a normal day of embalming and soothing mourners, the staff noticed something unusual: Glantz was not only warm to the touch but also breathing. It was a sight so shocking it probably made the Grim Reaper do a double-take.

Panicking slightly less than one would expect, the employees quickly called 911, explaining that their latest guest had RSVP'd to life. The funeral home staff—who were likely reconsidering their career choices—then attempted CPR on Glantz. Once paramedics arrived, our intrepid nonagenarian was whisked away to a nearby hospital, where, as of the latest reports, she remains inconveniently alive.

Unsurprisingly, the incident has drawn the attention of the Lancaster County Sheriff's Office, which has launched an investigation into this baffling case. Chief Deputy Ben Houchin, who is likely now pondering if he has stumbled into a new genre of crime—the Lazarus caper—called it a "very unusual case." This could be the understatement of the year, but Houchin's calm demeanor is something to admire.

The declaration of Glantz's death occurred around 9:44 a.m., but by 11:43 a.m., she had successfully foiled the paperwork by breathing again, causing many to question the competency of the original assessment. While there is no criminal intent currently attributed to the nursing home, the ongoing investigation leaves room for further “I-told-you-so” moments.

As if Glantz's miraculous return wasn't dramatic enough, the nursing home insists that they followed all appropriate procedures. Though it’s unclear if by ‘procedure’ they meant skipping the “are-they-breathing” part of vital sign checks altogether.

Also, anyone who has ever been declared dead mistakenly will tell you the importance of ensuring nursing home staff are adequately trained. Pending the investigation’s results, the nursing home may receive a refresher course on the difference between a nap and eternal rest.

In a world that often feels dark and unpredictable, Constance Glantz’s story provides an unusual, albeit macabre, form of comic relief. The lesson here is simple: Life finds a way, especially if you're not quite ready to say goodbye just yet.

While we wait for the fallout from this bureaucratic resurrection, we can only admire Glantz's impeccable timing and the sheer irony that she may have just become Lincoln's most famous resident for doing essentially nothing—except refusing to stay dead.