In a saga that only the tech world could serve up, Elon Musk is threatening to ban Apple devices from all his companies, including Tesla, SpaceX, and X, over Apple's new partnership with OpenAI (CBS News, June 11, 2024; CNN, June 11, 2024). Yes, the man famous for launching cars into space and calling people "pedo guy" is now deeply concerned about your digital privacy.

Apple's latest venture involves integrating OpenAI's AI technology into their operating systems, such as iOS 18 and macOS Sequoia (CBS News, June 11, 2024; CNN, June 11, 2024). Musk described this development as an "unacceptable security violation," because naturally, nothing says "secure" like unregulated flamethrowers (CBS News, June 11, 2024; CNN, June 11, 2024).

Visitors to Musk's companies will soon need to check their Apple gadgets at the door, where they'll be stored in Faraday cages. Yes, electromagnetic wave-blocking cages. Welcome to the future of tech, where we treat iPhones like radioactive materials (CBS News, June 11, 2024; CNN, June 11, 2024).

Musk claims Apple's cozy deal with OpenAI jeopardizes user security and privacy (CBS News, June 11, 2024; CNN, June 11, 2024). This ongoing furor is part of a larger legal battle with OpenAI. Musk sued the company and its CEO, Sam Altman, earlier this year, accusing them of prioritizing profits over benefiting humanity (CBS News, June 11, 2024; CNN, June 11, 2024).

Apple’s new AI toolbox includes enhancements to Siri and other tools powered by OpenAI’s technology, such as ChatGPT integration for iPhones, iPads, and Mac computers (CBS News, June 11, 2024; CNN, June 11, 2024). OpenAI's president, Greg Brockman, confirmed that ChatGPT will indeed be embedded into Apple’s ecosystem (CNN, June 11, 2024).

This dubious bromance has Musk, one of the founding fathers of OpenAI in 2015, feeling particularly jilted since he walked away from the board in 2018 and started his own rival AI company, xAI (CBS News, June 11, 2024; CNN, June 11, 2024). Hell hath no fury like a billionaire scorned.

Despite Musk’s Orwellian overtones, some experts argue that Apple's AI system is quite privacy-conscious, processing as much information as possible on the device itself and explicitly seeking user consent before sending any data to OpenAI (CNN, June 11, 2024). So while Musk frets, Siri isn’t exactly rummaging through your digital laundry.

Reports are buzzing that Tesla employees are hoarding Nokia flip phones as a precaution. An anonymous insider quipped, "It’s like we're time-traveling back to the 2000s, but hey, at least I won't have to worry about my battery dying." Nokia, who probably assumed its epitaph was written long ago, might owe Musk a fruit basket for this unexpected revival.

In the ever-exciting world of tech rivalries, Musk versus, well, anyone is a spectacle. As digital dust continues to settle, Musk’s employees may soon find themselves using T9 texting on flip phones while navigating their Tesla dashboards. Quite the twist in the tale of technological evolution.