In a plot twist that could have been penned by Kafka during an Airbnb retreat, Martha's Vineyard is facing a marijuana shortage that has left dispensaries on the island high and dry. The shortage impacts over 230 registered medical users and thousands of recreational enthusiasts whose hopes for a blissfully hazy autumn have gone up in smoke.

The root of the problem? State regulations on transporting marijuana across federal waters, which the ever-vigilant Massachusetts Cannabis Control Commission (MCCC) has decided to enforce like a bouncer at the world’s strictest nightclub (NBC, NY Post). Geoff Rose, the owner of the Island Time dispensary, didn't take kindly to this regulatory chokehold and filed a lawsuit against the MCCC, accusing it of “arbitrary, unreasonable, and inconsistent policy” against weed transportation. The lawsuit also points fingers at the commission for halting Rose's attempt to buy marijuana from the mainland and ship it to the island (Fox).

To put it into perspective, three of the five Cannabis Control Commission commissioners came to Martha's Vineyard for an impromptu meet-and-greet, presumably with the hope that an in-person charm offensive would soothe the island residents (NBC). It might be easier to organize a peace summit with feral cats because the first meeting was met with more frustration than flowers. According to the MCCC, resolving the marijuana supply issue is a top priority—but, you know, bureaucratic urgency is not measured in actual hours but rather in glacial eons (Fox).

A wild card in this Grass-ceiling drama (pun absolutely intended) is the island’s sole commercial grower, Fine Fettle, who stopped growing pot due to high costs and competition from mainland prices. With the primary local provider out of the picture, the crisis has escalated from awkward dinner party talk to headline news.

Joining the fray is The Green Lady dispensary on Nantucket, which despite having a homegrown stash, decided to partake in the lawsuit over the exorbitant costs of onsite testing (NY Post). It's almost poetic if it weren’t so unjust—an island of tranquility stressed and divided over the green herb meant to relax and unite.

Meanwhile, medical users like Sally Rizzo are caught in the crossfire. Rizzo relies on specific marijuana products to manage her back problems and insomnia, making the shortage not just an inconvenience but a medical crisis (NBC). One has to wonder if MCCC imagines Rizzo popping Tylenol like Skittles or meditating her way to pain-free sleep. As it stands, Sally might as well take up yoga to deal with the lack of munchies—Alice in Wonderland meets Martha Stewart.

Adding another layer of irony, the Justice Department is moving to reclassify marijuana as a less dangerous drug at the federal level. Yet, the sticky icky reality is that the Feds still keep a puritanical eye over recreational use. In stark contrast, California allows marijuana transport to Catalina Island, and Hawaii permits inter-island medical marijuana transport. Perhaps someone at the MCCC needs a paid trip to these islands to take notes, or perhaps they just need to let go—literally and figuratively (NBC, Fox).

Until this bureaucratic mess gets sorted out, locals are stuck with recommendations for yoga, chamomile tea, and perhaps a scenic detour to the nearest black market dealer, who is undoubtedly having the last laugh.

Given the achingly slow gears of government, it’s anyone's guess when a sustainable solution will sprout. But until then, the island might turn to simpler pastimes—like debating whether to join Rose in his lawsuit or learning to garden tomatoes as nature's stress ball. For an island famous for its chill vibe, Martha’s Vineyard is decidedly un-chill about its latest crisis.