Tiger Woods' putter seemed to have checked out early on the first day of the 2024 U.S. Open at Pinehurst No. 2, leaving him to fend for himself on the greens. Woods shot a 4-over-par 74 in the first round, an endeavor that looked almost as grueling as getting through airport security without removing your shoes (Source: USA Today, June 13, 2024; Source: New York Post, June 13, 2024).

Things actually began on a high note, with Woods birdieing his first hole, the 10th hole, but perhaps it was premature to get excited; the rest of his round unfolded like a tragic comedy (Source: New York Post, June 13, 2024). He managed only two birdies, and both were on par 5s, which, as any golfer will tell you, is kind of like celebrating passing GO and collecting $200 in Monopoly – standard but not spectacular (Source: USA Today, June 13, 2024; Source: New York Post, June 13, 2024).

The problems started rolling in like mounting credit card debt. Woods hit only 9 of 18 greens in regulation and his putting woes were manifest when he performed the rarely celebrated feat of three-putting on multiple holes (Source: USA Today, June 13, 2024). One can only imagine the caddies in shock, clutching their caps and exchanging knowing glances that said, "Well, there goes that birdie."

It was clear that putting was an issue from the get-go, with his putter adopting a distinctively laissez-faire attitude toward missing putts (Source: New York Post, June 13, 2024). In a stretch resembling the plot twists of an existential novel, Woods encountered five bogeys in seven holes, which probably had many spectators checking his clubs for sabotage (Source: USA Today, June 13, 2024).

Even more frustrating was that Woods still had some game, hitting 12 of 14 fairways with ease – just not when it counted (Source: New York Post, June 13, 2024). Needless to say, his putting speed was inadequate, ensuring that the ball’s homeward journey to the hole was more scenic route than express lane (Source: New York Post, June 13, 2024).

By the time the dust settled on his round, Woods found himself in a tie for 54th place, a far cry from his illustrious past performances at Pinehurst, where he finished tied for third in 1999 and a runner-up in 2005 (Source: USA Today, June 13, 2024). Watching Tiger's struggles was almost like watching a rerun of your favorite TV show, only they changed the lead actor, and you kept hoping it would get better.

With Woods expressing concern about making the cut after Round 1, the stakes couldn't be any higher – or could they? Golf fanatics and casual Sunday putters alike must be hoping his putter decides to return from its impromptu vacation, clock back in, and get to work (Source: New York Post, June 13, 2024).

Of course, in the chronic lapse between talent and bad luck, one can't help but wonder if perhaps it wasn't Woods' method that was the problem but the universe having a laugh. After all, golf has been described as the best way to become intimately familiar with the contours of the earth under our feet, one missed putt at a time.

So here's hoping Tiger Woods' putter gets its act together, and quickly, lest it find itself replaced or worse, given a stern talking-to by no-nonsense caddies. We watch, we wait, and we hope the second round tells a different story, one with perhaps fewer bogeys and a lot more birdies.