In the latest episode of "What Could Possibly Go Wrong?", the Virginia chapter of the NAACP and a group of students have sued the Shenandoah County School Board over its decision to reinstate the Confederate names of two local schools. The board, in a nostalgic throwback to a more problematic past, voted 5-1 on May 10 to rename Mountain View High School to Stonewall Jackson High School and Honey Run Elementary School to Ashby Lee Elementary School.

The lawsuit, which is fervently backed by history buffs who prefer their textbooks unedited and racially insensitive, alleges that the school's decision has created an “unlawful and discriminatory educational environment for Black students.” It appears that the board’s interpretation of creating an inclusive environment involves clinging to names that pay homage to a rebellion based on racial supremacy.

The decision conveniently steps on several legal landmines. Attorneys have pointed out that it violates the First and Fourteenth Amendments of the U.S. Constitution, Title VI of the Civil Rights Act of 1964, and the Equal Educational Opportunities Act. The board may want to add other outdated chapters from the history books to this list, just for good measure.

Rev. Cozy Bailey, president of the Virginia NAACP, didn't mince words in his criticism, stating that the school board had reaffirmed “their commitment to White supremacy and the celebration of a race-based rebellion.” Bailey's words cut through the board's facade of "community heritage," highlighting the deeper implications of their actions.

So, what’s in a name? Plenty, according to the educational and legal heavyweights backing the NAACP. The lawsuit, a heavyweight showdown slated to be publicly announced at a news conference, brings heavyweight legal muscle to the fight. Spearheading this legal tag team is the Washington Lawyers’ Committee for Civil Rights and Urban Affairs and the law firm Covington & Burling LLP.

For context, a former incarnation of the school board had already stripped these Confederate names back in 2020, following the tragic murder of George Floyd and amidst nationwide calls for racial justice. But what’s progress without the occasional leap backward?

Last year, the conservative group Coalition for Better Schools led a charge to reinstate these names, arguing it was essential to honor “community heritage.” Apparently, nothing says “better schools” like clinging to the Confederacy. Community heritage, it seems, is code for turning history class into a reenactment of "Gone With the Wind."

Marja Plater, senior counsel for the Washington Lawyers' Committee for Civil Rights and Urban Affairs, noted that the board’s reversal “exposes children to persistent racism and hate that will impact their emotional health.” Forget the three R's; Stonewall Jackson and Ashby Lee might just add trauma to the school curriculum.

Expect this drama to unfold with all the legal fervor of a courtroom procedural. A public announcement of the lawsuit is scheduled for 11 a.m. ET, right on time for anyone needing more evidence that the wheels of progress can occasionally screech to a halt—slammed right into reverse, courtesy of the Shenandoah County School Board.

As the legal minds gear up for what promises to be an intense courtroom battle, one has to wonder: was rebranding schools after Confederate leaders really worth the trouble? To quote an age-old adage, those who fail to learn from history are doomed to… perhaps name their schools unwisely.