In a shocking case of fast food fury, a gay man claims he was assaulted by Shake Shack employees in D.C. after stealing a kiss from his boyfriend while waiting for fries and forgiveness.

While waiting for fries in what should be a sanctuary for love and good burgers, Christian Dingus found himself in a twist more dramatic than a soggy napkin in the fry box. After a simple kiss turned into a full-on fast food fracas, the incident has ruffled the queer-friendly vibe of Dupont Circle, leading authorities to probe not just for sauces, but motives of a hate crime. For Dingus, whose post-kiss injury list now includes a concussion, this assault is a stark reminder that sometimes, even love can't save you from an unexpected side of aggression.

Dingus, 28, had gathered with his boyfriend and a group of friends at the Dupont Circle Shake Shack, a spot known for its welcoming atmosphere and juicy burgers. However, that vibe seems to have taken a nosedive into a shake pool of trouble. Witnesses say that while the group was enjoying their time, Dingus shared a kiss with his partner — a seemingly innocent act that would normally be met with smiles or at least a ‘that’s cute’ roll of the eyes, rather than the erratic response that followed.

According to Dingus, the first sign of impending doom was when a Shake Shack employee approached their table, armed with a rather surprising directive: they couldn’t be kissing there. It’s worth noting that the location was, after all, a haven of culinary delights, not a bastion for public displays of affection — unless you count the enthusiastic vows of love people make to their ShackBurgers. The request was unexpected and ironically anti-culinary given that Dupont Circle has long been celebrated for its queer-friendly ambiance.

Things escalated when Dingus’ partner was allegedly escorted out of the restaurant, leading to a heated verbal argument. Dingus, feeling the need to stand up for his partner, attempted to bridge this chasm of misunderstanding with words — an effort that quickly crumbled under the weight of aggressive misunderstandings.

What transpired next is the stuff of a modern-day tragedy, or perhaps just a very unfortunate YouTube video waiting to happen. Dingus claims that as he defended his partner, multiple Shake Shack employees decided to take matters into their own hands, leading to what can best be described as an all-you-can-eat buffet of beatdown. According to a video recorded by a bystander, Dingus was punched in the head, which raises many questions: like, when did lettuce become the new boxing glove?

As the dust (and fries) settled, Dingus was left with physical injuries that a Shake Shack burger could never heal. He was diagnosed with a concussion and trauma to his jaw, a painful reminder of a moment that should have been filled with romance and not regret. 'All I wanted was a burger and to share a kiss with my partner,' he expressed, as though outlining a straightforward order that somehow transformed into an unexpected special on the menu of life’s tragedies.

As news of the incident spread, the local police began investigating the case, treating it as a hate crime with a serious classification of simple assault and anti-gay bias motivation. The irony of being assaulted in a place where one generally finds happiness and comfort was not lost on Dingus, who sought not only justice but a way to reclaim his sense of safety. It seems he might have to go without a burger for a bit longer, but if that’s the price for finding justice, it’s one he’s willing to pay.

Shake Shack, eager to distance itself from the growing backlash, swiftly released a statement. They confirmed that the team members allegedly involved had been suspended pending an internal review. They must be hoping to restore a semblance of goodwill before customers start asking for more than just spicy mayo on their fries. Quite the chummy policy, it seems, as they scramble to clean up the mess, which is proving to be a bit more substantial than the occasional spilled soda.

Dingus’s experience is an unsettling reminder that love, especially in public spaces, can sometimes elicit responses that resemble the entrails of a poorly thought-out marketing campaign. The idea that a simple act of affection can result in violence poses profound questions about society, acceptance, and the importance of ensuring public spaces remain what they claim to be: welcoming to everyone. Dingus, echoing sentiments of many, hopes that this incident will not just serve as a warning but rather a turning point in the way love is both perceived and accepted, even in the hallowed halls of fast-food chains.

As this saga unfolds, it serves to remind us all — sometimes the fight for love can take unexpected turns. Like how the ketchup should really come out first when ordering burgers — not the unexpected jabs from overzealous employees. For now, Dingus remains resolute, asserting that he wants to ensure those involved are held accountable, while perhaps advocating for a side of compassion alongside his fries. And who knows? In the end, maybe a milkshake will prove to be a better remedy for what ails him than the burger he originally craved.