In his coaching debut, Jerod Mayo led the New England Patriots to a nail-biting 16-10 victory over the Cincinnati Bengals, leaving Bengals quarterback Joe Burrow wondering if he should've stuck to just passing.

With impressive performances from Rhamondre Stevenson and a defense that seemed to have Burrow seeing ghosts, Mayo's first outing as head coach not only results in a win but also serves as a potential wake-up call for a Bengals team that managed less yardage than a high school team on a practice day. As owner Robert Kraft handed over the game ball, it was clear: Mayo is now on the path to taking a once-struggling Patriots team to new heights—or at least above a 500 record.

Rhamondre Stevenson turned in a standout performance, rushing for 120 yards and scoring a touchdown, proving himself as the Patriots' go-to engine on offense. His ability to break tackles and make yardage was as refreshing as finding an extra fry at the bottom of the bag. In a game where every yard counted, Stevenson's contributions were like finding change in the couch cushions—unexpected and immensely appreciated.

Quarterback Jacoby Brissett had a solid showing as well, completing 15 of his 24 passes for 121 yards. Brissett's connection with his receivers seemed crucial, particularly when he decided, quite wisely, to avoid throwing the ball directly into defenders’ hands. He managed to keep the chains moving effectively enough to keep the score ticking and the Bengals' defense guessing, even if only slightly.

The Patriots' defense, on the other hand, seemed to have made a pact with the football gods to ensure Burrow's afternoon was both unproductive and confusing. They sacked him three times and forced two fumbles, which likely left Burrow wondering if he might be better off just taking a nap instead. The Bengals' offense could muster only 224 total yards during the game and showed a particularly dismal effort in the first half, where they went three-and-out on their first three possessions. The only thing more deflating than their performance would have been if Burrow had to inflate the pigskin himself.

While the Bengals did manage to get some momentum late in the game, with new running back Zack Moss rushing for 44 yards and scoring a late touchdown, it merely served as a reminder that they were down for much of the contest. Burrow's statistics—21 completions on 29 attempts for only 164 yards and no touchdowns—reflected a common sentiment: Just because you can throw doesn’t mean you should.

Meanwhile, Paul Slye's contributions as kicker should not be overlooked; he kicked three field goals for the Patriots, each one pushing the score further away from the grasp of the Bengals. At times, it felt like Slye was channeling a fine art for securing points, as though he were on a personal mission to ensure that New England left the field victorious—even if it required him to channel his inner bank teller and regularly tally up his contributions.

As expected, Mayo expressed pride in his players after the game, radiating the sort of excitement usually reserved for kids receiving candy on Halloween. That pride, however, now comes with a significant burden: whether to maintain that momentum or fade into a whisper of mediocrity. Still, the delight of a debut win in this fashion places Mayo on a promising path, although how long it takes before the weight of expectations becomes apparent remains to be seen.

In the grand scheme of things, this matchup served as both a curtain-raiser for Mayo's new tenure and a stark reminder for the Bengals about the state of their offensive line—one of those unfortunate but necessary conversations that often leads to finger-pointing and existential crises. If Burrow wishes to turn things around, he might just need to revisit some trade secrets found in a quarterback camp or perhaps spend more time rehearsing his evasive maneuvers—not unlike a toddler trying to avoid bedtime.

For now, the Patriots can bask in the glow of this victory. The team won as a unit, with Mayo steering the ship deftly through turbulent waters, marking a start that looks prettier than a fresh coat of paint on an aging fence. As the season progresses, fans will surely hope this victory isn't just a flash in the pan but rather the beginning of a narrative that could have the Patriots on course for greater feats. Soon enough, Mayo might find himself in discussions about what really makes a head coach great—beyond just an impressive scorecard.