A 43-year-old woman thought she could outsmart customs by declaring only a cooked meal, but she was caught with 748 pounds of Mexican bologna and over 280 boxes of hidden medications at the Presidio Port of Entry.

This audacious attempt at culinary subterfuge has landed the woman in hot water, with U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP) now holding her responsible for smuggling a massive load of Mexican bologna—literally enough to feed a small army—and a mountain of undeclared medications. For her not-so-great escape plan, she faces a $1,000 fine and should probably rethink her meal-prepping strategies before her next border crossing.

According to the details provided by CBP, the woman was traveling from Mexico when she declared just a cooked meal during the primary inspection. However, the heavy luggage that flagged her for inspection contained a significant amount of contraband. A total of 40 rolls of prohibited Mexican bologna, weighing 748 pounds, and over 280 boxes of undeclared prescription medications were discovered during a secondary inspection. The sheer weight of the luggage can often be a dead giveaway in the world of smuggling.

After an agriculture specialist sniffed out something amiss during the primary inspection, a secondary examination was conducted. What they found wasn't a fancy foreign delicacy, but rather 40 rolls of Mexican bologna clandestinely stashed away inside her vehicle, along with over 280 boxes of undeclared prescription medications. This bologna weighed in at an astonishing 748 pounds, which is roughly the weight of an overweight walrus. It seems that this woman took her love for bologna to a level that most would consider questionable at best.

The stuffing of her car with bologna wasn't just a hunger-driven error; it appears she also enthusiastically smuggled over 280 boxes of undeclared medications. These included controlled substances, which certainly wouldn't fit well on any normal grocery list. This brings to mind the age-old question: If your vehicle can store more medication than your local pharmacy, might it be wise to reassess your travel preparations?

CBP’s vigilance at the border is more than just about meal declarations; it’s a matter of agricultural integrity. The Mexican bologna, for instance, is famously banned due to the potential introduction of foreign animal diseases into the U.S. pork industry. So, while this woman may have been aiming for a charcuterie spread, she inadvertently posed a risk to a whole industry. It’s been suggested that one should probably stick to apples or oranges next time they cross the border– fruit doesn’t weigh as much, and it won’t require a secondary inspection.

Following the discovery of the towering bologna stash and medication haul, officials took action by seizing not only the offending food items but also her vehicle and a neat sum of $7,600 in concealed currency. That’s quite the shopping spree gone wrong. One could say this woman took 'cash and carry' to an entirely different level; too bad it’s now literally cash that’s been carried away by the authorities.

In light of this incident, CBP officials were quick to remark on the importance of declaring all items when crossing state lines. Their advice is simple: if you’re ever unsure whether to declare something, it’s probably best to err on the side of caution. After all, nobody wants to explain how they ended up trying to sneak kilograms of bologna across a border on a whim when a simple declaration would have sufficed.

While the woman may have intended to bring a hearty Mexican feast to her hometown, it appears her plans have left her with a hefty civil penalty and a sizable amount of embarrassment. So, let this be a lesson to all adventurous eaters out there: when it comes to international travel, the only things you can safely smuggle are tales of your food adventures, not the food itself.

As the dust settles from this curious case of the bologna bounty, one can’t help but wonder how many dinner parties this woman is missing out on due to her culinary misadventures. It's a hefty lesson in border crossing etiquette—next time you think about embarking on a gastronomic journey, just stick to snacks that come with no legal baggage.