In a stunning showdown marked by dominance, the Texas Longhorns ousted the Oklahoma Sooners 34-3 in the Red River Rivalry, while Anthony Hill Jr. planted the Texas flag—spearheading both their victory and the burial of Baker Mayfield's jersey.

This emphatic win does more than just grant Texas bragging rights in their annual face-off; it also kickstarts their season with a perfect 6-0 record for the first time since 2009 and signals a triumphant return for quarterback Quinn Ewers. Meanwhile, Hill's dramatic post-game flag planting through Mayfield's jersey adds a layer of theatrics worthy of a Netflix special, as the Longhorns celebrate reclaiming the Golden Hat trophy and commencing their quest for SEC supremacy.

The Longhorns entered this game with a clear sense of purpose, eager to reassert their dominance in a rivalry that dates back to 1900. With memories of previous seasons lingering as if they were last week’s leftover pizza, Texas was determined to make a statement against the Sooners. Head coach Steve Sarkisian’s crew was not just playing for victory; they were playing for the Golden Hat trophy—a revered symbol that reveals who reigns supreme in this longstanding showdown.

Quinn Ewers, Texas’ quarterback, made a grand return after a five-week hiatus, due to an oblique strain that surely felt more like a bad breakout than a sports injury. Upon his return, Ewers completed 20 of 29 passes, racking up 199 yards alongside two touchdowns and a single interception—not exactly perfect, but decent enough to warrant a sigh of relief from Texas fans. His presence on the field felt like the missing ingredient in a long-brewing stew, and with his performance, he proved that absences can indeed make the heart grow fonder...or at least the scoring opportunities more frequent.

In stark contrast to Texas’ Thursday night plans, the Sooners found themselves on the receiving end of a harsh lesson in football. Oklahoma’s offense managed to produce a measly three points, a score that would make even a toddler with a calculator chuckle. With their head hung low, the Sooners trudged off the field, acknowledging the significant scoreline they had just endured.

But the crowning moment came post-game when Anthony Hill Jr. and Barryn Sorrell launched their own local spirit campaign at the 50-yard line. With an impressive flair for dramatics, they planted the Texas flag through a Baker Mayfield jersey, making it clear that they quite literally stepped over past glories to reach new heights. The sight caused many fans to wonder: is it too late for Mayfield to invest in a stronger fabric?

It’s worth noting that Hill’s defensive performance was nothing short of extraordinary. He amassed an impressive game-high 11 tackles, along with two sacks and a forced fumble. It seemed that any chance Oklahoma might have had at scoring would have been better served sending flowers to Hill instead of running plays against him. His performance turned the field into a prime-time theater show, leaving Oklahoma scrambling for applause in all the wrong places.

Sarkisian’s pride was evident; returning the Golden Hat trophy to Texas after significant time away was as much about symbolizing triumph as it was about the victory itself. He emphasized in his post-game address, “Our journey is not over.” Perhaps he meant a journey of continued excellence—or perhaps one of relentless hat shopping. Either way, it instilled a sense of purpose moving forward into the season despite the usual media chatter about college football playoffs.

What also added a unique twist to this clash is that it was the first time Texas and Oklahoma competed as members of the SEC. Given that the rivalry has been played annually at the State Fair of Texas since 1929, the SEC affiliation raises eyebrows and expectations that may reach as high as the cotton candy stands. Fans are now left to wonder how these two fierce competitors would continue to adapt to their new conference dynamics, all while balancing the intricate art of funnel cake consumption.

As the Longhorns sit atop their well-deserved perch at 6-0, they now enter the rest of their schedule with a renewed sense of confidence, pride, and potentially overzealous donut consumption at the nearby fair. Meanwhile, the Sooners will have to endure scrutiny and conjure strategies to recover from such an embarrassment. After all, the lure of the end zone is much more appealing than planting flags through jerseys, regardless of the team colors involved.

In conclusion, while rivalries often heat up as the seasons progress, the Red River Rivalry has its own flair—combining drama, spectacle, and the occasional shoving of damaged jerseys into the ground. As both teams look ahead to the remainder of the season, one thing is guaranteed: when these two face off again, fans will witness not only football but another episode in a saga that continues to be bolder than ever.