A California teenager faces up to 20 years in prison after pleading guilty to making over 375 swatting calls, proving once and for all that his idea of a prank crossed a few too many lines.

Alan W. Filion, 18, has officially taken the prank war way too far by pleading guilty to four counts of making interstate threats, including targeting schools and religious institutions across the country. His swatting spree, which drew armed police responses and created chaos in communities, highlights the chilling reality that some calls are not just a bad joke. As he prepares for a lengthy prison sentence, one can't help but ponder what could have been had he channeled his energies into less harmful hobbies, like starting a podcast about the perils of poor decision-making.

Filion's criminal calling card (and we emphasize "calling") involved impersonating senior federal law enforcement officials, claiming he had planted bombs, and even threatening mass shootings at a plethora of targets. The teenage terror, active from August 2022 to January 2024, seemed to believe that fear was a currency he could trade for notoriety, or perhaps just a really twisted version of social media influence.

In October 2022, he made a grand entrance into the realm of swatting with a particularly nerve-wracking call to a public high school, where he casually mentioned his plans for mass destruction. If only he had put that creativity into writing a bestseller about the dangers of neglecting humanity over humor, the world might now have a new literary masterpiece instead of a criminal record.

Deputy Attorney General Lisa Monaco articulated what many were likely feeling, stating that Filion's actions spread 'profound fear and chaos'. Talk about a dramatic overhead projector moment—imagine a bunch of armed officers responding to a completely fictitious threat while real emergencies unfolded in the background. And yet, here we are, highlighting just how effective a teenager's misjudged sense of humor can really be.

Filion's mischief was so extensive that the U.S. Department of Justice rather aptly dubbed him 'a serial swatter.' His record included calling not just schools but also a Historically Black College in May 2023 to claim that he had placed bombs in campus housing. One might wonder why he chose such a formidable institution; perhaps he believed that targeting higher education would make headlines and get his name into textbooks—albeit for very different reasons than he intended.

The consequences of his misguided antics extended beyond the realm of laughter. The FBI was clear about the severe dangers swatting poses to first responders, insisting that it wastes significant resources. In truth, there’s no Pocket Guide to Emergency Responses to Bomb Threats from a Senior Federal Officer, because those shouldn’t exist in the first place. Filion's disregard for public safety raises the ongoing question often debated among the elderly: 'What happened to the simple telephone prank?'

Attempting to further bolster his ill-fated enterprise, Filion even peddled swatting ‘services’ on social media, as if they were the latest trend in the influencer marketplace. One would think that by the age of 18, most teenagers are dabbling in fashion or delivering TikTok dance tutorials, not trying to make a profit off false terror. There’s a fine line between wannabe entrepreneur and someone who should probably switch to lawn mowing for pocket money instead.

As we await Filion's sentencing, tentatively set for February 11, 2025, it’s hard not to feel a touch of gratitude that this awkward phase of his life—one littered with poorly thought-out calls and alarming threats—is coming to a close. After all, with the potential for up to five years in prison for each count he pleaded guilty to, one has to wonder if Filion might begin to reflect on that whole 'What would have happened if...?' scenario. Considering the bag he has picked for his life choices, we can only humorously suggest that he start pondering the myriad of other ways he could have enjoyed his teenage years without sprinkling in a sprinkle of villainy.

As we close the curtain on this modern episode of 'The Daring Misadventures of Alan Filion, the King of Bad Choices,' we can only hope he learns a lesson easier than the rest of us did: Pranking—especially of the high-stakes sort—comes with accompanying consequences. Who would have thunk? We look forward to seeing what this tale inspires next, perhaps a musical number about the benefits of being kind, or even better, simply keeping the phone down.