In a bold move that has environmentalists shaking in their Timberlands, Donald Trump has nominated fossil fuel enthusiast Chris Wright as Secretary of Energy, promising a future filled with fracking and a healthy disregard for climate science.

With Chris Wright's appointment as Secretary of Energy, Trump is steering the nation back to an era of bubbling crude and carbon emissions, while swiftly dismissing climate policy advancements made during Biden's term. Despite having no political experience, Wright's credentials as the CEO of Liberty Energy and his strong advocacy for fossil fuels suggest that this nomination is less about renewable energy and more about revving up America's oil and gas production, potentially leaving climate activists gasping for air—literally.

Wright's professional background includes a robust education in mechanical and electrical engineering from MIT, which may come in handy when trying to engineer a way out of the climate crisis he insists doesn’t exist. Known for his vocal opposition to the perceived threats of climate change, Wright believes the only thing truly looming over us is, surprisingly, the shadow of regulations that restrict fossil fuel extraction. His mantra? If it ain't broke, don’t fix it—unless, of course, it involves a wind turbine or a solar panel.

In addition to his new cabinet role, Wright will also grace the newly formed Council of National Energy, led by North Dakota Governor Doug Burgum, a place where they will no doubt discuss the pressing matters of which oil rig to frack next. The bright minds assembled here will surely come up with groundbreaking ideas, like how quickly one can fill an empty gas tank—or perhaps how to make steak taste even better when grilled over an oil rig.

Wright's appointment signifies a complete pivot from the previous administration, where a strategic focus on renewable energies was seen as the way of the future, rather than a hassle. Now, with the winds of change blowing in the opposite direction, Wright is poised to slash through bureaucratic red tape like a hot knife through butter—specifically, butter derived from a factory farm powered by fossil fuels. He aims to support all forms of American energy production—yes, even that energy produced by burning the hopes of environmentalists everywhere.

While some skeptics may question Wright’s lack of political experience, his influence within the energy sector will likely prove beneficial for those eager for fossil fuel boomtown vibes. Finding someone with no political experience but who has more energy industry connections than a raving winter morning is a bold play, befitting the lower gas prices that Trump's administration touts—at least until those pesky fuel shortages kick back in.

Indeed, the Trump administration is adamant about reversing climate policies enacted during Biden's presidency, marking a return to a 'drill, baby, drill' approach – reminiscent of simpler times, where the only thing we worried about was whether to open a window due to a lingering whiff of CO2 in the air. The White House may well be thinking that climate awareness was just a phase we've all been going through, like bell-bottom jeans or avocado toast.

As Wright steps into his new role, it remains to be seen how he will navigate the complexities of energy production in a country that—at least in public forums—expresses a dual interest in keeping the lights on and the skies blue. Regardless, his stance on climate science and fossil fuels assures his restless supporters that they won't have to learn how to share their space with wind turbines anytime soon. After all, if fracking continues to gain favor, those turbines may just end up becoming trendy yard ornaments.

If Trump's administration is successful in raising fossil fuel production levels while dismantling reforms aimed at climate change, perhaps the upcoming decade will be remembered as the age where salvation was found in oil spills, and climate conferences became nothing more than a relic displayed in an art gallery of outdated ideas. It cannot be denied that Wright’s appointment conjures visions of a pro-fossil fuel renaissance—complete with visions of offshore drilling parties where everyone has a great time, at least until they check the ocean temperatures.