After pulling out of a Trump administration attorney general nomination fraught with controversy, Matt Gaetz has decided that a break from Congress sounds more appealing than a future of sexual misconduct investigations and politics-as-usual.

In a move that surprises absolutely no one, Matt Gaetz has declared he won't be returning to Congress after stepping back from his controversial attorney general candidacy, now opting instead to support Trump from a safe distance. Citing a refreshing desire to pursue other aspirations after 14 years in elected office, Gaetz is excited for new faces to take on the responsibilities of his former seat—presumably ones not under investigation for sexual misconduct. Meanwhile, Trump has appointed Pam Bondi to take the torch, proving that political musical chairs can indeed be played with only the most scandalous of candidates.

Gaetz's announcement comes in the wake of the ongoing investigation by the House Ethics Committee into allegations of sexual misconduct that have dogged him like a broken record. While he has emphatically denied these charges, claiming they are mere fabrications aimed at tarnishing his reputation, the specter of the investigation is likely prompting him to trade the congressional floor for a potentially less controversial background role.

In his resignation speech — or perhaps just a casual Tuesday chat — Gaetz remarked, "After eight years in Congress, it's clear that I’ve clocked enough hours to earn a sabbatical." He noted that he believes eight years is a generous enough timeframe to fulfill his political duty. One might wonder, though, if the ethics investigation played a larger role in this self-imposed retirement than the revelation that a pizza place might actually serve better ingredients than the current political landscape.

As he prepares to step back, Gaetz has taken a moment to express his enthusiasm for the new crop of candidates eyeing his former seat. "These newcomers seem full of promise and drive," he said, hinting at an optimism often reserved for first-time dog owners and optimistic investors. Gaetz's eagerness for fresh representation might also be seen as a not-so-subtle nudge for these aspiring politicians to steer clear of unsavory allegations — a lesson he's no doubt learned the hard way.

The political landscape will not pause for Gaetz, however. His colleague, House Speaker Mike Johnson, has been busy maneuvering behind the scenes, urging the Ethics Committee to keep their findings under wraps. This sleight-of-hand maneuver might just be part of an overarching strategy to protect members of the party from the less flattering realities of their collective actions over the years. It seems like keeping secrets is a bipartisan affair these days.

As for Trump's decision to nominate Pam Bondi as the next attorney general, it seems the revolving door of political appointees will remain in motion. Bondi’s track record in Florida earned her a spot in the spotlight, but one cannot help but question whether she too will find herself under the scrutiny of an investigation seeking to clarify her own past actions. Politics, you see, does have a way of favoring those who can navigate their way through allegations with the grace of a well-trained gymnast.

In Gaetz's absence, many have speculated whether he might try to reclaim his seat in the future, but he has firmly quashed those rumors with a declaration of his intention to step away, at least for the time being. Perhaps he’s hoping for a quieter path ahead, one devoid of headlines that draw more focus to his alleged indiscretions rather than his political ideology. Or perhaps he's simply ready to enjoy a life with less oversight — like a cat on the loose after a trip to the vet.

Transportation may well remain a hot topic in his future endeavors. Gaetz has found himself in the passenger seat of Trump's political strategy for years, while simultaneously navigating the rough waters of his own controversies. With this latest withdrawal, he’s signaling that he is content to play the role of a supporter — or perhaps an amateur political commentator — while others engage in the messier aspects of governance.

As Matt Gaetz prepares to exit stage left, the political arena will continue to churn. Whether he stays out of the spotlight remains to be seen, but with the likes of Trump and Bondi on hand, one can only assume that the spectacle of politics will provide plenty of entertainment — and perhaps a few awkward moments — for those still on the frontlines.