Despite over 5,000 tips about suspicious drone sightings buzzing over the East Coast, federal agencies assure us these flying contraptions are just more pesky hobbyists and perhaps a lost star or two.

In a world where every buzzing sound has us searching the skies for secret alien invasions or rogue pizza deliveries, federal agencies have confirmed that the recent surge in drone sightings, which includes everything from commercial drones to misidentified stars, poses neither a national security nor public safety risk. As they utilize advanced infrared technology to keep an eye on the situation, officials in New Jersey and New York demand answers, while the rest of us just wish those drones would stick to delivering our takeout.

In a joint statement released by the FBI, Department of Homeland Security, Federal Aviation Administration, and Department of Defense, officials clarified the nature of the drone sightings, stating that they are being monitored but aren’t indicative of any impending societal collapse—unless of course, you consider the greater looming threat of poor drone etiquette. With public concern rising, agencies are keen to differentiate between legitimate drone enthusiasts and those who clearly need to apply for their pilot’s license before crying wolf.

While we can't quite pin down who’s controlling all these drones, thorough investigations are underway. Of the over 5,000 tips received by the FBI, about 100 have resulted in leads worthy of further examination. Those leads are expected to include numerous cases of undiagnosed paranoia and perhaps a few unfortunate run-ins with toothpaste manufacturers. Surely, it’s only a matter of time before we hear about ‘that guy with a drone again’ causing quite the stir at the local park.

It's important to note that the sightings include a broad spectrum of flying objects. Reported drones encompass commercial and hobbyist drones, law enforcement surveillance equipment, and even some manned aircraft that may have been been seen napping in the wrong place. There are also those just a wee bit paranoid who thought they spotted stars—but in all honesty, even the Bureau is reluctant to investigate for overenthusiastic sky-watchers mistaking Venus for a drone.

Federal agencies appear committed to a hands-on approach, employing infrared cameras and drone detection technology to monitor drone activities in the affected areas. Meanwhile, local officials are actively supporting federal investigators to keep track of the situation amidst rising public concern. It seems like drones are becoming the new curiosity in our skies, sparking both interest and questions about what they're actually up to.

Amidst this whirlwind of concerns, drone sightings over military facilities are not exactly a new development. Though rather mundane when described as a ‘common occurrence,’ local governors and Congress are raising eyebrows louder than the drones themselves, in a tasteful attempt to secure even more information on these aerial anomalies. It appears that the only thing flying higher than the drones these days might just be the media's imagination.

In an effort to dissect the lion's share of mystery that accompanies any unforeseen activity in the sky, the House Intelligence Committee is bracing itself for a comprehensive briefing from those in the know—the FBI, CIA, and the national intelligence director’s office. One can assume that the committee will be desperately hoping for something more riveting than a meeting about drones. Perhaps they’ll discuss whether those star-spotters should have invested in binoculars rather than indulging in nighttime flight maneuvers.

So here we are, caught in the tangled web of drone conspiracies and collective cultural confusion. As night descends, the public will continue to ponder: Are we on the brink of connecting with advanced civilizations, or is it merely a local enthusiast testing their latest gadget overhead? Whatever the answer might be, rest assured, none of these airborne gadgets are going to steal our lunch or abduct our pets—at least not today.