In a plan reminiscent of a dystopian movie, Trump’s border czar Tom Homan seeks $86 billion and 100,000 beds for what could be the largest deportation operation America has ever seen—complete with a side of military assistance, but only for transportation.

As the Trump administration gears up to 'arrest as many people as we can' in a blitzkrieg of deportations, Tom Homan’s ambitious bid for $86 billion and 100,000 detention beds signals an enforcement strategy that goes beyond the usual—promising mass worksite immigration raids and a specialized plan to send undocumented parents packing, while leaving their American-born kids pondering their next meal. With the goal of reclaiming not just jobs but entire neighborhoods, this operation may very well rewrite the meaning of 'family values' in a way that even Hollywood would think twice about.

In his address unveiling this monumental scheme, Homan highlighted the need for Congressional funding and resources that some may describe as ambitious and others as wildly optimistic. 'We'll need a small army of beds,' he proclaimed, as if organizing a sleepover party for 100,000 unsuspecting guests. Reportedly, these beds are not for relaxation but a temporary resting place between an assertive exit from the country and said exit itself.

Homan made it abundantly clear that the focus of these deportations would be on criminals, gang members, and fugitives. It seems that even in an operation of this magnitude, the administration is dedicated to operational efficiency, prioritizing the highest-profile candidates for removal from the country. Meanwhile, undocumented parents of U.S. citizen children will also find themselves on the chopping block, ensuring that family reunification remains an afterthought rather than a priority. Because, why not further complicate family dynamics on a grand scale?

In an effort to showcase the seriousness of their intentions, the Trump administration has plans to return to mass worksite immigration raids, harking back to an era of enforcement that most would rather leave in the past. It's as if they are trying to relive an old episode of a bad reality show but at significant taxpayer expense. Workers can prepare for what might feel like an episode of Dodgeball, but with fewer laughs and more bureaucratic red tape.

Additionally, Homan’s plans include an intriguing collaboration with the military—not for swooping in and performing arrest interventions, as some may have envisioned, but instead for transportation purposes. Skeptics might note that the distinction could be solely semantic, as their 'transportation services' could flit between bus routes and airlift operations depending on how quickly those 100,000 beds fill up.

One of the peculiar aspects of this plan is Homan's frankness about the uncertainty surrounding resources and funding from Congress. It's almost charming that he acknowledged the possibility of putting together this massive undertaking on a wing and a prayer, reminiscent of college students cramming for finals while hoping for a miracle. But let's give credit where it's due: Homan and his team are evidently optimistic, possessing the kind of hopeful demeanor that could turn winter gloom into springtime blossoms.

Moreover, Stephen Miller has boldly stated that these plans constitute 'the largest deportation operation in American history.' While some may see this as a slap in the face to historical context (what about Prohibition? Where was the deportation enthusiasm then?), it undeniably paints a clear picture of intent. Their goal appears to outline a rolodex of those targeted for removal like an inconvenient RSVP list, just waiting to be checked off one name at a time.

Homan anticipates being ready to launch deportation plans on the day of Trump's inauguration. It's as if they’re set to kick off a nationwide tour, though instead of music and lights, the only encore is a departure flight. This suggests a governmental system prepared for action, ready to engage with critics who might suggest a more humanitarian approach to immigration.

As for what this could mean for various regions that limit their cooperation with federal immigration enforcement, Homan’s administration seems keen on directly countering these localities. Imagine local officials looking over their shoulders as they try to dodge the federal spotlight—now that’s some fascinating political positioning.

With the operation projected to hit a staggering $86 billion, it remains to be seen whether the public will mass outcry, whisper with glee, or simply prepare their popcorn for the upcoming spectacle. The sheer scale of logistics and funding alone begs the question: Will taxpayers lined up at the local DMV receive a brochure on how their tax dollars are being employed?

One thing is for sure; in this new immigration paradigm, families will likely find their dinner tables filled with more questions than food. The Trump administration’s complex and layered deportation plan appears to fuse cold calculations with a profound disregard for emotional consequences.