A Maryland man, clearly on Santa's naughty list, was arrested after disrupting Christmas Eve services, including a whiskey splashdown in the holy water and a fruit fling that would make a salad jealous.

The man, identified as 56-year-old Thomas Campbell Bolling Von Goetz, turned a sacred evening into a chaotic food fight, pelting fellow parishioners with tangerines and unleashing whiskey into the holy water during services at two churches. After his trip into the festive chaos—including excessive use of produce and spirits—Von Goetz faced a laundry list of charges that could make even the most seasoned Scrooge consider a little holiday cheer.

The uproar began at approximately 5 PM at Holy Angels Catholic Church, where Von Goetz made his grand entrance—a type of grand that typically isn’t welcomed in sacred spaces. As the congregation gathered to honor the holiday, he allegedly dropped an onion in the aisle, possibly as an offering of sorts or perhaps an ill-advised gardening tip. He then proceeded to escalate the situation by hurling tangerines at a fellow worshipper, which, while unorthodox, is notably less jarring than a church pew to the face.

Witnesses reported a surreal scene as parishioners ducked for cover, bewildered by the onslaught of citrus. One can only imagine the conversations that followed; 'Is that a tangerine or am I just happy to see you?' became the least of their worries, as the church community wondered whether they had strayed into a festive produce contest rather than a solemn evening of worship.

As if that wasn't enough, the situation deteriorated further during the Midnight Mass at St. Francis Xavier Catholic Church in Leonardtown. Here, in another stroke of questionable judgment, Von Goetz decided to dispense with the holy water's standard blessings, opting instead for a splash of whiskey. This blatant cocktailing of the sacred and the uncontrolled left parishioners not just shocked, but also possibly stymied their holiday spirits. One might wonder if he believed the holy water needed a bit more 'spirit' to keep up with the festive cheer around him.

The churchgoers, it seems, had had enough of Von Goetz's 'spirited' antics, and promptly escorted him from the church. As he attempted to swing a whiskey bottle at individuals, one can only picture the pandemonium that ensued. Instead of joyous carols and soft candlelight, the service was disrupted by his actions, including pouring whiskey into the holy water and throwing tangerines, leading to chaos in the church.

In the aftermath, emergency services were called to assess Von Goetz, who was taken to a hospital for a medical evaluation before he would ultimately face the long arm of the law. Facing charges including Second-Degree Assault, Disorderly Conduct, Defacing Religious Property, Religious Crime Against a Group, Obstructing a Religious Exercise, Threat of Mass Violence, and Disturbing the Peace, he appears to have turned his holiday revelry into something of a grim catalog for baffling offenses. The local authorities stated that his actions endangered other citizens.

The St. Mary’s County Sheriff's Office has confirmed that Van Goetz's escapades will not be forgotten in a hurry, with officials noting that disrupting a religious service carries certain repercussions—a lesson that perhaps he will reflect upon during his time contemplating the error of his ways. While many folks enjoy a little eggnog during the holiday season, Von Goetz seems to have pursued a much more unorthodox approach to 'festive libations.'

In the grand narrative of holiday events gone awry, this incident stands as an unusual testament to how quickly celebrations can turn chaotic. One can only hope that the churches involved will recover from this ordeal and that members of the community will have a safer, more traditional holiday experience moving forward—preferably one that involves less flying produce and more hymn singing.

As the Christmas bells ring on, may we all learn from Von Goetz's misadventures. Next year, perhaps, a simple glass of eggnog—or even a fruitcake, if one must be truly daring—might suffice, rather than the dramatic flair of a fruit-tossing, whiskey-drenched escapade that no church service signed up for. One lesson remains clear: if you're going to bring some 'spirit' to a church, checking in advance with the congregation about the appropriate beverage might be a good idea.