In a three-month heist extravaganza, a cunning crew has raided 49 storefronts across New York City, treating ATMs like piñatas and making off with tens of thousands of dollars—yet somehow, not a single suspect has been caught.

Over the course of three months, this bold band of bandits has transformed New York City into their personal ATM buffet, swiping cash from machines in four boroughs without leaving a trace. While they successfully boosted vehicles for their getaway, local police remain baffled, as the public is left to wonder whether these thieves are more skilled than the entire NYPD combined. As police plead for tips, it seems the only thing New Yorkers are enjoying more than the holiday lights is the ongoing mystery of the elusive ATM Robin Hoods.

The robbery spree kicked off remarkably on September 19 and it concluded on December 26, leaving New Yorkers with a rather unique New Year's resolution: to not visit any ATM. The thieves roamed from the bustling streets of Upper Manhattan, through The Bronx, down to Brooklyn, and over to Queens, demonstrating their knack for stealing.

In addition to their creative robbing techniques, the crew exhibited a flair for vehicular larceny, stealing cars that would serve as their getaway vehicles. Some might say they were like a low-budget version of a heist film, where the protagonists have an abundance of ambition but less-than-stellar planning. Each successful robbery appeared to provide not just cash, but enough adrenaline to fuel a new brand: 'Extreme Shopping', where the only rule is to run away really fast while lugging an ATM.

Speaking of speed, the masterminds behind the scheme managed to swipe nearly $40,000 in cash during just the two robberies conducted in September. According to observers, this means they had the ATM heist equivalent of a 'two-for-one' sale—who wouldn't want to cash in on that? Surveillance footage has uncovered glimpses of their antics, showcasing two brazen suspects in a grocery store in Jackson Heights, Queens, where they nonchalantly removed wires from an ATM. It was almost like watching a DIY tutorial gone horribly wrong.

As the investigation unfolds, one must consider the obvious question: how is it that in a city filled with cameras, police, and an active public, not a single suspect has been apprehended? Perhaps they're hiding in plain sight, blending in with the crowds while changing their looks like professional actors. Or maybe they've set up shop in a deserted part of town—an underground world where bank robbers share tips on fashioning disguises out of rap lyrics from the 90s. Comparatively, the general public feels as if they are possibly less protected than ATMs in a convenience store.

Law enforcement continues to appeal to the public for any tips: perhaps someone recognized the robbers amidst a brisk winter stroll or witnessed an unusually aggressive ATM fan club meeting. Despite the lack of leads, the hope remains strong that New Yorkers will find a way to crack the case. Matter of fact, if thieves set the bar for a good heist high enough, one may wonder if they too—like ghostbusters—are hiding amongst the common folk, living double lives as freelance ATM consultants.

With the total amount of all stolen ATMs remaining uncertain, one has to wonder if these roguish individuals have even the slightest idea of how to count. Many speculate they may just be playing a high-stakes version of Monopoly, not just collecting properties, but cashing in on the opportunity to remake the game in their image—one ATM at a time.

As the calendar flips to another year, locals are left contemplating the future of their favorite cash-dispensing machines. Mayor Bill de Blasio joked during a recent press conference, 'We could really use a couple of those ATM robbers in our next city planning meeting.' Humor aside, New Yorkers will likely watch as this bizarre saga continues to unfold, secretly hoping for the end of the robbery spree that has hit 49 storefronts across the city, stealing ATMs and netting tens of thousands of dollars. Until then, users might want to consider staying vigilant while withdrawing money.

The holiday season may have wrapped up, but it seems this group has left the gift of intrigue behind as they stroll into the sunset—quite literally, as they continue their escapades without a single arrest in sight. There’s always the chance that with 2024 on the horizon, these masterminds will either sit down for their next career move or just take an extended ATM vacation. As they roam the streets, perhaps it is time for all of us to lock arms and ensure our well-guarded savings do not meet the same fate as those unlucky ATMs across town.