A winter storm with blizzard-like conditions has blanket-trapped over 60 million Americans under 30 inches of snow, forcing governors to declare emergencies and many to reconsider their life choices about real estate in snow-prone states.

As record-breaking snowfall buries major cities and leaves over 200,000 customers without power, governors across a dozen states have declared emergencies to combat the chaos. Travel has become an exciting game of who's brave enough to venture out, and with temperatures expected to plummet 30 degrees below normal, residents are left to ponder if relocating to a beach town might just be a better investment.

Kentucky, Virginia, West Virginia, Arkansas, Missouri, and New Jersey are all experiencing a state of emergency, although one might argue that in winter, any day that ends in 'y' could justifiably be declared an emergency in these regions. Schools, government buildings, and businesses have shuttered their doors, giving employees an unexpected extended vacation—putting the 'snow' in 'snow day.'

Kansas City and Indianapolis, two major cities at the heart of it all, have set their sights on breaking monthly snowfall records. By now, they're probably eyeing each other down like two contestants in a hot-dog-eating contest. Both cities reported significant snowfall, dumping what might as well be the collective winters of several years into their respective backyards.

For those brave enough to gamble their lives on the icy roads, travel advisories are a humbling reminder that they might want to stay home. Missouri and Kentucky found themselves particularly gripped by icy conditions that would make a polar bear reconsider its vacation plans. Numerous flight cancellations compounded the misery of would-be travelers, forcing many to wonder if their only 'vacation' would be a descent into Netflix purgatory with a side of microwave popcorn.

Adding insult to injury, blizzard conditions swept through various states, bringing gusts of up to 50 miles per hour. Visibility dropped to near-zero, prompting many to question whether they had accidentally entered a snow globe. These not-so-ideal conditions certainly haven’t helped the budding romance between winter enthusiasts and practical people who enjoy seeing where they’re going.

In light of the chaos, various local governments are no longer just concerned with failed street treatments or rogue potholes, but rather assessing the damage from downed power lines. About 200,000 residents across different states are now playing a game of charades—that thing where you communicate without electricity.

With ice accumulation creating layers reminiscent of nature's version of a multi-tiered wedding cake, ice storm warnings were issued for southern areas. Residents were left trying to decipher whether ice skates or snowshoes would be more appropriate for their morning commute. As many have discovered, one's snow-castle building and sledge-riding plans can be easily derailed by a treacherous sidewalk or a particularly rebellious mailbox.

As the aftermath of these stormy shenanigans unfolds, citizens find themselves looking at heating bills while quietly questioning how they believed it could possibly be a good idea to live in a place where winter appears to give spring a solid push into next year. After all, it’s hard to enjoy a cup of hot cocoa when you’re out there shoveling your driveway for the second time this afternoon.

Yet amid the madness, there remains a kernel of joy among children who, thrilled with the prospect of school closures, celebrate with unabashed exhilaration. The cancellation of classes across various districts, including the complete shutdown of all public schools in Washington, D.C., is likely to spark wholesome acts of snowball warfare. Parents, while hunting for the shovels, may now find themselves on the front lines of a very different kind of battle: remotes versus snowmen.

As the storm finally loosens its grip, people are left to wonder if the ensuing thaw will turn their neighborhoods into tropical paradises or just another muddy mess against a backdrop of fading winter. In any case, those old advertisements for inhibiting winter enthusiasm and packing up for sandy shores seem to have pick-up points for consideration or perhaps just a bit of wary laughter. Because if there's one thing this snowpocalypse has taught us, it’s that no place is safe from the wrath of winter. Except perhaps the beach, where you'd have to deal with sandstorms and unsolicited seagull visits. But that sounds a lot better right now.