In a surprise twist that only 2023 could deliver, Trump suggested that Elon Musk could buy TikTok, offering to split the app with the U.S. government—because nothing says democracy like turning social media into a stock partnership.

The proposal—where Trump envisions a future where Uncle Sam shares TikTok like a reluctant custody arrangement—comes after he granted the app a 75-day reprieve from any forced sell-or-ban orders. With 170 million American users, Trump believes that partnering with Musk, known for his connections to China, could create an irresistible opportunity for government profit while feeding his own nostalgia for a platform he claims helped him capture the youth vote. It's a bold move in the ever-evolving world of social media diplomacy, where Uncle Sam could soon be swiping right on investment.

Trump’s executive order has granted TikTok a temporary stay of execution in a climate historically unforgiving to tech giants. The clock is now ticking, and for TikTok, a mere 75 days feels like a New York minute in the fast-paced tech world. Critics remain skeptical about the app’s future, while proponents warn of a TikTok-less dystopia where teenagers revert to simple hobbies, like reading or communicating face-to-face.

In this peculiar episode of corporate governance, Trump has openly declared that any potential buyer, including Musk, must consider handing over half of TikTok to the U.S. government. The plan appears to hinge on the idea that U.S. ownership would make TikTok as American as apple pie—unless, of course, you count the app’s Chinese origins, which Trump might prefer to ignore as he makes his heartfelt case for democracy through social media.

Meanwhile, Musk seems uniquely qualified for this transaction. Known as the technologically literate itch that refuses to be scratched, Musk’s connections to China could be viewed as a strategic advantage in navigating the social media maelstrom. If only buying TikTok came with an instruction manual or a chirpy AI assistant that could decipher bureaucratic headaches—and luckily for us, he is already working on that.

Trump hasn’t shied away from his purported affection for TikTok, despite the fact that his personal usage is limited to merely considering installing it on his phone. One cannot help but wonder what sorts of accounts might tempt a former president. Perhaps he is in the market for culinary influencers or meme creators who could spice up his social media strategy? Regardless, the allure of TikTok has nestled somewhere in his political heart as though it was spoiled, discarded popcorn from a reality TV binge.

For those who may have found themselves high and dry in the TikTok debate, Trump’s stated motivation behind the proposal lies with the platform's vast user base of 170 million Americans. Perhaps he hopes that by sharing the app with the government, he will finally solidify his legacy as the great uniter, or at least a mildly contentious landlord. ‘Let’s just keep TikTok under the watchful gaze of democracy,’ he seems to imply, though frankly, the prospect of American governance navigating algorithms sounds like a twist on a tech thriller.

With major technological figures like Larry Ellison also in the running, the stakes couldn’t be higher. We’re not just talking about social media real estate; we are approaching the peak of capitalistic competition. Whose TikTok future will make the cut? A billionaire polymath who tweets like no tomorrow, or the cloud computing pioneer whose greatest achievement might be securing more cloud storage for meme enthusiasts everywhere?

In Trump’s ideal scenario, the government wraps its arms around TikTok in an entrepreneur-friendly embrace, promising to make it worthwhile for buyers with all sorts of wonderfully confusing permits. The vision extends far beyond mere acquisition—Trump suggests the government would unleash a picnic basket filled with incentives for buyers willing to tango with TikTok, sparking the age of TikTok as a profitable state-run enterprise.

The whole affair raises significant questions about the future of social media: Are we entering a phase where the government sees the allure of user-generated videos as a new economic engine? Or are we merely witnessing an elaborate reality show in which viewers tune in for the absurdity of it all? Only time will reveal if TikTok becomes a sovereign treasure or simply the newest chapter in America's ongoing struggle with its own ridiculousness. As it stands, it appears Trump is open to a deal involving TikTok, including a proposal that the U.S. jointly own half of the app.