In a surprising twist, Trump and Putin have dialed back into diplomatic relations, pledging to negotiate peace in Ukraine, while Trump prepares to break the news to Zelenskyy right after his next golf game.

In a historic reunion of former frenemy leaders, Trump is set to engage in peace talks with Putin to wrap up the ongoing conflict in Ukraine. In what seems to be a global version of 'let’s all just get along,' Trump's national security team gears up for a diplomatic chess match while he perfects his swing. As the world cautiously holds its breath, the duo's negotiations could either signal an end to a devastating war or just lead to Putin attending Trump's next charity golf tournament.

In a recent phone conversation, Trump and Putin discussed a wide array of topics, including Energy and Artificial Intelligence, proving that world leaders can multitask like your neighbor trying to fix their lawnmower while simultaneously yelling at their kids. The call is being marked as the first official exchange between the two since Trump’s triumphant return to the Oval Office, a seat he seems to view as more of a rental than a permanent residence.

During their chat, Trump expressed deep concern over the ongoing conflict in Ukraine, noting that it has resulted in millions of deaths—an observation that was met with a collective sigh from the international community, who constantly remind us that in the game of geopolitical chess, there are just no shortcuts to checkmate. Putin, it seems, was in a surprisingly communicative mood, expressing his willingness to negotiate directly with Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy—though one might wonder if this reflects a genuine desire for peace or simply a tactical ploy to secure a spot at next year’s G20 leaders' dinner.

Trump's national security team, a skilled quartet resembling a rock band made up of Marco Rubio, John Ratcliffe, Michael Waltz, and Steve Witkoff, will be leading the negotiations. Each member has their unique style, reminiscent of a dysfunctional but dedicated family on a road trip, with hopes that they can avoid multiple breakdowns along the way, and perhaps a few detours to fast-food establishments.

In his announcements, Trump is quoted saying he will be contacting Zelenskyy directly to keep him updated about the conversation with Putin. One can only imagine the scene: Trump on one end of the line trying to balance complex foreign policy discussions with his unparalleled knack for showmanship, while Zelenskyy desperately tries to parse out the good news from the flood of rhetoric.

As the talking heads on news channels prepare their hot takes, Trump has made a bold claim: under his stewardship, this war wouldn't have happened. While many CIA analysts may beg to differ, the proclamation has added an extra layer of seasoning to an already spicy narrative. In any case, the debate rages on, and this former reality show host delicately places himself as the star of a very real drama on the world stage.

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth weighed in on the discussions, stating it is unrealistic for Ukraine to reclaim its pre-2014 borders. If there’s one thing this entire affair proves, it’s that politics often operates on the whims of optimism, especially when military maps are involved. Here’s betting that somewhere in a bunker, a historian is writing the sequel to this saga: 'The Great Territorial Tug-of-War.'

Meanwhile, the conclusion of this dialogue has been deemed a critical step since the recent release of Marc Fogel, an American teacher held in Russia. Perhaps it serves as a fortuitous reminder that while international relations can seem tangled, every now and then, a smooth transaction is possible amidst the chaos, like expertly parallel parking in a crowded lot.

How these negotiations will unfold remains to be seen, but one thing is clear: the world is watching. Will Trump’s golf ball find a hole-in-one or a diplomatic disaster? Only time will tell. Meanwhile, experts will be analyzing every tweet, exchange, and golf score as if they were clues to the next big mystery, while the rest of us will just sit back and enjoy the show.