In a bizarre twist on crime and canines, a duo of thieves faked a seizure to snatch two pricey English bulldog puppies from a Centennial pet store, leaving employees bruised and baffled.

The audacious heist at Perfect Pets unfolded when one thief pretended to seize the moment—literally—allowing his accomplice to swipe two bulldog puppies worth a staggering $8,600. While one thief played the part of a medical emergency, employees responded only to find themselves in a scramble, resulting in one unfortunate kick to the face. With one suspect under arrest for conspiracy and theft, the store now offers a generous reward for the safe return of the puppies and the capture of the unrepentant duo still cruising in a gold Cadillac Escalade.

The incident, which could easily be mistaken for a sketch by a particularly misguided improv group, unfolded in the perfectly mundane setting of Perfect Pets, located a mere 14 miles south of downtown Denver. Security footage has revealed just how this peculiar plot came together, showcasing the lengths some will go to for a quick, albeit furry, profit.

In what must have been a masterclass in distraction, Timothy Davis, 37, took to the floor and began convulsing as his partner-in-crime stealthily grabbed the puppies. Apparently, the plan was to create a scene that would lead employees to rush out in concern, thus conveniently diverting attention away from the serious business of puppy thievery. While Davis was busy outdoing his own drama skills, his accomplice saw the opportunity to make off with the canine companions.

Employees, witnessing the spectacle, attempted to intervene. Yet, while they may have been trained in animal care, they weren’t quite ready for a face kick in the heat of a crime scene. Yes, amidst the chaos of medical theatrics and puppy liberation, one brave employee was unfortunately kicked in the face—probably not the typical day at the pet store one might expect. One can hardly blame them when faced with a dramatic seizure and two adorable puppies disappearing in plain sight.

Now, let’s talk numbers, because what this tale lacks in conventional criminal finesse, it makes up for with sheer financial audacity. Each English bulldog puppy is valued at an impressive $4,300, leading to a total heist value of over $8,600. At that price, one might expect the thieves could have considered simpler jobs—perhaps fast food, where the only thing you might lose is your dignity, not an unsuspecting puppy.

Davis managed to keep the act going, staying supine until law enforcement arrived. The irony of being apprehended while faking a medical emergency might not be lost on him, but it’s a pertinent reminder that one cannot always bluff their way into—and out of—situations requiring a little more than just spontaneous theatrics. He now finds himself facing charges that include conspiracy to commit a felony and theft, which raises the pressing question: was this all a ruse?

As for Davis's accomplices, their fate remains uncertain. They escaped in sleek comfort, riding off in a gold Cadillac Escalade, most likely feeling quite smug with their spoils. One can only imagine their road trip dialogue, perhaps revolving around how to best explain these unexpectedly cute additions to their home, and whether to seek pet insurance for what could become a rather complicated family dynamic.

In response to this audacious act, Perfect Pets is offering a rewarding $4,000 for the puppies’ safe return, and perhaps an addition for information leading to the escapees. It’s a noble endeavor, considering some might assume that four-legged thieves tend to focus on much softer targets—like chew toys or treats. But alas, it seems even the cutest beings can be caught in a somewhat unseemly human plot.

Interestingly, this wasn’t the store's first brush with canine crime; a previous theft involving high-value dogs occurred earlier this year on February 12. One hopes that Perfect Pets has since enhanced their security measures to include not just video surveillance, but also some kind of seizure-decoding software, because if this is going to be the new method of puppy theft, they need to be ready.

In conclusion, this incident is a troubling reminder of both human putridness and the inexplicable lengths to which some will go for a puppy. As the investigation continues, it’s worth pondering: perhaps next time, thieves should aim for a less furry target. But for now, all eyes are on Centennial, where law enforcement and puppy enthusiasts alike await updates in a case that’s anything but ordinary.