In a stunning revival, Trump declared he is 'bringing Columbus Day back from the ashes,' insisting that Christopher Columbus will make a major comeback, even as critics argue the holiday deserves a permanent burial.

In a move reminiscent of a retro '90s revival, Trump is not only resurrecting Columbus Day—a holiday that celebrates the arrival of a man who many argue symbolizes European colonialism and the subjugation of Native peoples—but he’s doing so under the exact same rules, dates, and locations as before. As states increasingly embrace Indigenous Peoples Day in its place, Trump’s insistence that Columbus is poised for a comeback has sparked renewed debates over historical narratives and the real meaning of October’s second Monday. Buckle up, folks; it looks like history is about to repeat itself, whether we like it or not.

Columbus Day has enjoyed its status as a federal holiday since 1892, proudly recognized on the second Monday in October since 1971—a charming record for a 19th-century celebration still aiming to gather steam in the 21st century. Trump’s declaration isn’t simply political posturing; it’s a bid to show that some traditions should be embraced like your eccentric uncle who refuses to update his wardrobe, despite the passing of decades.

However, not everyone is on board the Columbus Day revival train. Many states and cities have opted to recognize Indigenous Peoples Day instead, a nod to the many who suffered as a result of what some label Columbus’s ‘discovery’ of the Americas. South Dakota, for instance, has taken a stand, officially recognizing the second Monday in October as Indigenous Peoples' Day. It’s as if some states decided to show up for a dinner party themed after 'historical context’.

Critics of Columbus Day argue that its celebration glosses over the uncomfortable truths of history, specifically the exploitation and genocide of Native peoples that followed Columbus's arrival on October 12, 1492. It seems that while Columbus was busy being hailed as a great explorer, reality was preoccupied with a far grimmer narrative. Yet, Trump appeared unfazed, lashing out at the Democrats for ‘attempting to destroy Columbus’s reputation.’ Maybe he misses the old-fashioned charm of questioning historical figures rather than calling for them to be reinstated. Who knows?

Biden’s proclamation recognizing Indigenous Peoples Day alongside Columbus Day adds another twist to the tale, offering a nuanced middle ground, much like choosing between pineapple and anchovies on a pizza. Biden’s approach may attempt to acknowledge the complexities of history, which, as some might argue, is more aligned with modern sensibilities. But this has done little to quell the fervor of proponents for Columbus’s legacy, as they cloak themselves in historical tradition like it’s a much-loved, albeit moth-eaten, blanket.

As Trump announced he is 'bringing Columbus Day back from the ashes,' he has left little doubt that he intends to restore Columbus Day under the same rules, dates, and locations as before—untouched by the nuances of current historical reinterpretation.

Still, Columbus Day isn't even an optional holiday anymore. It's officially recognized as one of the 11 paid federal holidays, so it remains popular among those who enjoy the day off from work or a hyperbole-filled morning of pancake breakfasts in schools. While Trump may be pushing for a grand reintroduction of Columbus Day, it’s possible many recipients of that day off might just be excited about sleeping in rather than engaging in historical discourse.

While Columbus's return to the holiday roster may revive fond memories for some, others are skeptical. They look at Trump’s enthusiasm as a curious mix of nostalgia and denial, wondering if they will soon require a history lesson before toasting to Columbus with their morning coffee. The timeline of American holidays itself may be influenced by a current leader whose approach to history appears, at times, to rely on fighting fire with more fire.

As the debates rage on, one thing remains clear: the notion of Columbus Day in the modern era is as polarizing as debates about pineapple on pizza, where everyone knows opinions are set in stone but most love to engage in spirited back-and-forth over a slice. Whether Columbus Day returns triumphantly or continues to fade in favor of Indigenous Peoples Day, this is a saga that history, and more importantly, the kaleidoscope of American identity, is still deciding.

In the meantime, as the nation hovers at the crossroads of tradition and modernity, perhaps it’s best to remember that history, much like a fashionable garment, requires periodic review. And much like a poorly fitting outfit, Columbus Day, whether resurrected or shelved, might just need a good tailor or two. But fret not, citizens; come this October, we can still count on the federal holiday calendar to guide us through the cultural quagmire with a sense of cautious optimism—or at least another excuse to stay home on a Monday.