Inmates at a New Orleans jail pulled off an audacious escape through a toilet hole, leaving behind messages and one brave soul clutching a blanket, while the guard was busy... you guessed it, getting food.

The escape, which showcased a remarkable blend of resourcefulness and poor timing on the part of jail staff, has left authorities scrambling to reestablish order while seven of the ten escapees remain at large—likely hoping their newfound freedom won't end with a food delivery. With charges ranging from murder to aggravated assault, the daring jailbreak not only highlights the jail's potentially faulty security protocols but also raises questions about the snacks being served on the other side of those prison walls.

The escapade took place when a guard assigned to the cell pod ventured out to fulfill his lunchtime cravings, leaving behind ten inmates whose appetites for freedom vastly overshadowed any culinary delights. Surveillance footage, which will surely require a Netflix series adaptation come 2024, captured the escapees prying open a cell door before making their rapid exit through the customized backdoor, also known as a toilet hole.

As the daring men made a hasty retreat, they were caught on camera sprinting into the distance—as if they were fleeing from a particularly aggressive food truck. One particularly adventurous inmate, who we can assume was training for a figure skating career, took a tumble while clutching a blanket. Perhaps he thought it would shield him from the impending wrath of prison guards, or maybe it was a comfort item in times of crisis.

After scaling a fence while employing the innovative use of a blanket to avoid barbed wire, the group dashed across an interstate, unfazed by the vehicular traffic reminiscent of a scene from a particularly chaotic Saturday morning commute. These escapees, facing charges that can only be described as impressively severe, appeared more concerned with beating rush hour than taking extra precautionary measures for a stealthy getaway.

Notably, the audacious escape was discovered during a routine morning headcount—a method of prisoner accounting that perhaps needs a thorough reconsideration, given that eight hours had passed since the originally planned headcount. One can only wonder if the remaining inmates were perhaps practicing their best poker faces, hoping to be mistaken for dwellers of an alternate universe.

In a plot twist befitting a thriller novel, Sheriff Susan Hutson indicated that faulty locks may have played a role in aiding the great escape, and there are even whispers of possible internal assistance.

As of the latest updates, seven of the escapees continue their extended game of hide-and-seek with law enforcement, reminiscent of an outdoor childhood activity gone very wrong. One inmate had less luck catching their 'hiding' friends, as Kendall Myles was apprehended after a foot chase in the French Quarter, likely causing some uninformed tourists to wonder why a person in a blanket was running at top speed past their evening drinks.

Investigators made a troubling discovery near the escape hole: messages scrawled on the wall taunting authorities. It's an age-old tale—an inmate escaping and turning to graffiti as their expression of freedom. Luckily, they didn’t drop any of their artistic aspirations on the way out, as that might have led to an entirely different conversation regarding prison policy and art programs.

With three employees currently sipping coffee in suspension while an investigation unfurls, one can only speculate the conversations taking place behind those closed doors. Should they brainstorm how to reinforce protocols or perhaps consider how to secure guards’ eating schedules? After all, hungry guards and resourceful inmates are a recipe for adventure.

In the wake of this chaotic exodus, law enforcement is undoubtedly strategizing on how to recapture the escapees before they embrace their new lifestyle fully. Whether that strategy includes baiting them with food or barring access to toilets remains to be seen. The real question is whether these inmates have the foresight to continue their survival skills, considering the lengths they've gone to reclaim their freedom.