Despite his sparkling ERA and a recent complete game, Pirates GM Ben Cherington assured fans that trading rookie sensation Paul Skenes is off the table – even as the team contemplates how to score more runs than their sock drawer.

Cherington’s unwavering stance comes at a time when the Pirates are mired in a dismal 17-34 record, leaving fans to wonder if their offensive woes will ever meet the same impressive numbers as Skenes' 2.12 ERA. With the rookie under team control until after 2026 and having only won three games during his ten starts, it seems Cherington is more committed to fixing the team’s batting order than a trade, putting even more pressure on Skenes to work miracles with a batting lineup that ranks dead last in the league.

For context, Skenes, who was the first overall pick in the 2023 draft and proudly wears the title of NL Rookie of the Year, finds himself in quite the pickle. While he’s the marvel of the mound, boasting 232 strikeouts in just over 195 innings, the Pirates’ efforts resemble more of a comedy sketch. The team’s offense should consider investing in a sense of direction, as it continues to rank last in runs, slugging percentage, and OPS. One might even suspect that they’ve confused the strike zone with a piñata, taking sporadic swings without any joy in results.

Cherington's recent comments reflect a strategy that can only be described as optimistic, if not wildly ambitious. He remarked, 'We need more runs,' which sounds suspiciously like a summation of what every baseball team has ever needed since the inception of the sport. Yet, it seems that the Pirates are looking inward, preferring to cultivate their current talent rather than trading Skenes away for spare parts and an expired Twinkie.

Interestingly enough, Skenes’ impressive pitching stats contrast starkly with the team’s overall performance. While he enjoyed a complete game outing against the Phillies, where he allowed a mere three hits, his run support has been as sparse as a minimalist's living room. There is a bitter irony in knowing that the Pirates might be in better shape if they could clone Skenes and pitch a doubleheader while the hitters took summer school classes in batting. It’s a dilemma that forces fans to pick between optimism and stark realism.

The league’s assessment of the Pirates' reach also reveals an unfortunate reality: they are currently ranked 26th in terms of payroll out of 30 MLB teams. Investing in high-caliber players while skimping on run production has left Skenes in a peculiar position – he’s doing well with the tools he has, but the rest of his team appears to be wielding plastic bats. Perhaps the Pirates are saving up for a surprise raid on the free agency meals served in the back of the clubhouse, which may yield unpredictable results on the field.

Cherington’s assurance that Skenes will not be traded is heartening news for fans who appreciate the nuances of a robust pitching game – but as the team struggles to muster any offensive fireworks, the commitment presents more questions than answers. Perhaps Skenes has more burden on his shoulders than just those hefty strikeout numbers; he may well be expected to take the entire team's batting averages on his back.

As the season unfolds and pressure mounts, one wonders how many more games Skenes can pitch well, especially considering the Pirates have only won 3 of his 10 starts this season. Contributions from players less successful at sending the ball into orbit may be necessary to coax more wins out of this season's challenges. Cherington's call for improvements begins to sound a bit like suggesting a game of chess to a dog. While it’s an admirable pursuit, one must question the feasibility of success.

Yet, amidst all the chaos, the hope that prevails for Pirates fans as they cling to Skenes' magical aura is clear. Colorful banners might yet adorn PNC Park proclaiming 'Skenes Stays; Offense Gets A C' – for context, that C only stands for 'could be worse.’ As they wait for runs to show up in numbers more befitting a major league team, the quest for burgeoning victories will surely be one of patience, persistence, and perhaps a touch of pixie dust.