In a case that proves crime doesn’t pay—unless it involves Bitcoin—37-year-old John Woeltz was arrested for kidnapping and torturing an Italian man to steal his digital currency password.

Woeltz, a cryptocurrency investor with an estimated fortune of $100 million, allegedly held a 28-year-old Italian man hostage for two weeks, using a devastating mix of torture tactics and crypto extortion. The bizarre ordeal, which unfolded in a luxury Soho townhouse, raises pressing questions about the dark underbelly of digital currency obsession and what lengths some will go to for a Bitcoin password. As Woeltz awaits trial without bail, his case serves as a cautionary tale for aspiring crypto criminals everywhere—perhaps crime really does pay, but you might just end up in a courtroom rather than on a yacht.

The shocking details of the case reveal that the victim endured physical abuse that one might expect in a horror film rather than a bid for cryptocurrency. Reports indicate he was subjected to electric shocks and even pistol-whipped, methods that suggest Woeltz may have watched a few too many late-night infomercials on coercion tactics. The threats of dismemberment, while extreme, seem to speak volumes about the desperation that comes from being a crypto enthusiast facing a steep decline in market prices.

On May 24, 2025, in what can only be described as a climactic escape worthy of a poorly-planned action sequence, the victim managed to flee his captors and seek help from nearby police officers who likely thought they were just responding to a typical day in Soho. The ensuing investigation revealed evidence that will surely make forensic scientists question their career choices, including Polaroid photographs capturing his torment, a taser—and, surprisingly, a chainsaw. One might speculate that Woeltz had an unusual view on home improvement projects or was simply prepared for any dinner party disasters.

The luxury townhouse where the crime took place was rented for between $30,000 and $40,000 per month, casting a pall over the idea that high rentals equate to high morals. It’s remarkable to think that a property decorated with opulence could conceal the grim realities of a crime factory. Presumably, the decor featured tasteful art pieces that perfectly matched the horrifying atmosphere of despair. As an Airbnb host might say, 'this place definitely has character.'

In the aftermath of the escape, police took the victim to a hospital, where medical staff confirmed injuries consistent with a terrifying two-week experience of being bound and tortured. The details paint a dire picture and suggest that it may be safer to keep your cryptocurrency passwords to yourself, preferably in a secure digital wallet rather than sharing them while enjoying a leisurely chat over a non-existent espresso.

Woeltz now faces several charges, including first-degree kidnapping and second-degree assault, while he remains under strict orders from a Manhattan judge to stay put—without bail. His passport has been surrendered, leaving him with little choice but to contemplate his life choices, like how to keep his fabulous wealth intact without resorting to nefarious means. It seems unlikely that playing by the rules of the cryptocurrency game would have landed him in this mess, but then again, greed can make even the most digital-savvy investor forget their ethics.

Authorities are investigating the potential involvement of an 'unapprehended male,' which suggests that Woeltz could have had a partner in crime—if one can call participating in torture a partnership. Perhaps the second suspect was simply out buying snacks when the kidnapping took place, leaving Woeltz with a hefty responsibility and a terrible fallback option if it all went south.

As the case develops, the bizarre circumstances surrounding the crime raise more questions than answers. How does one go from having an estimated worth of $100 million in cryptocurrency to allegedly holding someone hostage for their comparatively paltry $30 million Bitcoin password? One can’t help but wonder whether the market’s fluctuations truly drive people mad or if there’s a more complex story lurking behind the rapidly fluctuating coins. Woeltz’s decisions would certainly suggest that someone didn’t read the fine print in the instruction manual for cryptocurrency trading.

While it remains to be seen how this legal drama unfolds, one can only hope that it becomes a cautionary tale perfectly inscribed on the buzzkill notebook of every overzealous crypto investor. After all, no one needs to be reminded that when it comes to Bitcoin, the stakes can be high, but the consequences of bad decisions can be even higher—especially if they involve chainsaws.