In a dramatic family face-off worthy of a mob movie sequel, grandsons of late crime kingpin John Gotti have been charged with assaulting their brother-in-law, who apparently mistook their home for a yard sale.

The Gotti family drama took a turn for the absurd this week as John and Frankie Gotti were charged with third-degree attempted assault and harassment after allegedly defending their Queens home from their brother-in-law, Gino Gabrielli, who seemed to believe it was open season on valuables. The incident highlights the ongoing saga of mob family feuds, with charges flying and legal eagles ready to hop into action, while Gabrielli's history of criminal escapades adds a layer of chaotic irony to an already ludicrous family predicament.

The trouble started when Gabrielli, presumably under the impression that it was 'Bring Your Own Burglar' night at the Gotti residence, allegedly pilfered around $3,000 and other items from the home. Such a hefty heist surely must have required considerable planning – or, perhaps, just a complete disregard for personal property and the dignity of familial relations.

Eyewitnesses claim that the brothers Gotti were seen delivering a synchronized punch or two to Gabrielli during a rather heated encounter. One bystander noted that it was less of a family gathering and more of an impromptu boxing match, albeit with fines rather than purse money at stake. Fortunately for Gabrielli, his choice to decline medical attention after this vigorous familial altercation means he will likely not provide any unfortunate headlines, such as "Mysterious Injuries of Gino Gabrielli: A Family Affair."

In Queens Criminal Court, both John and Frankie Gotti pleaded not guilty, likely testing the theory that blood is thicker than legal woes. Their attorney maintains this was merely a 'simple in-law dispute,' an assertion that evokes images of awkward Thanksgiving dinners rather than serious courtroom dramas. For context, the Gottis' attorney seemed to weave a tale of a mild family disagreement, perhaps suggesting that the pepperoni rolls of the family gathering had indeed led to a spicier outcome than anticipated.

Complicating the narrative further is Gabrielli’s own history. With a criminal record that includes a guilty plea for arson, one might wonder if he sees crime as a family tradition in its own right. If nothing else, the prevalence of criminal pursuits in this extended family tree suggests a peculiar sense of connectivity as they navigate their shared yet tumultuous legacies.

In the realm of criminal records, John Gotti himself is no stranger, with past troubles including drug-related offenses that make this 'family squabble' appear almost quaint by comparison. As circumstances unfold, it seems likely that both sides are keen on utilizing their knowledge of the legal system rather than a simple mediated conversation at the coffee table. After all, why discuss calmly matters of theft and perceived family honor when one can instead embrace the full spectrum of legal theatrics?

As we sit back and watch this particular family drama unfold, one must wonder how it will evolve. Will Gino Gabrielli become part of a protective family bubble that includes both warmer reunions and dangerously uninvited grappling? And what becomes of legal standings when familial squabbles turn from mere scuffles to potential courtroom feuds? Only time will tell, but at the moment, the main lesson seems to be: Always keep a spare armchair for unexpected family visitors - preferably one forged from indestructible materials.