Danish PM Attacked in Copenhagen; Man Arrested for Forgetting 'Keep Calm and Carry On' Rule

Danish PM Attacked in Copenhagen; Man Arrested for Forgetting 'Keep Calm and Carry On' Rule

3 minute read
Published: 6/7/2024

In an incident that unfolded in the heart of Copenhagen's Old Town, Danish Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen was attacked by a man on Friday evening. The attack occurred at Kultorvet square, a bustling and pedestrian-friendly area that usually stays tranquil, except perhaps when someone parks a bicycle in an "unofficial" spot.

Eyewitnesses reported that the assailant, who clearly skipped the crucial Danish national lesson on "Keep Calm and Carry On," was swiftly arrested shortly after the incident. While details about his motives remain sparse, some speculate he was possibly disgruntled about the cancellation of a local bakery's rye bread special.

Remarkably, Prime Minister Frederiksen showed no outward signs of injury, which is quite impressive considering she has undoubtedly been under more stress lately than a Copenhagen commuter who just realized they're standing on the wrong platform while clutching an expired transport card. Despite appearing visibly stressed, Frederiksen displayed her renowned resilience, a characteristic that likely unnerved the attacker more than the swift arrival of law enforcement.

Danish Minister of Environment Magnus Heunicke commented about the attack, calling it shocking and emotionally jarring, particularly for those close to the Prime Minister. We assume "shocking" here implies an unexpected jolt to everyone’s usual, orderly day, rather than a revelation causing them to drop their coffee—or maybe a bit of both.

In an outpouring of support for Denmark's unelected pastry critic-in-chief, world leaders have condemned the attack, viewing it as an affront to democracy itself. Some leaders, typically known for their levelheadedness, were reportedly caught texting heartfelt (though autocorrect-prone) messages, such as "Stand strong!" Let's hope they didn't mistakenly send "Stand string!"

The incident has added a tense prelude to the upcoming EU elections, just two days away. It’s a critical time when every political leader hopes for peace, focus, and maybe discreet keyboard warriors debating about which way to fold a Danish flag (hint: any way is patriotic as long as it's done on a platform with an adequate character limit). The attack might very well serve as a somber reminder that no democratic process is immune from turbulence—unless you’re in Iceland, where the biggest political scandals still somehow involve puffins.

Interestingly, the attacker could have easily perused the "How to Fail in Danish Politics" handbook, which strictly advises against surprise assaults, especially in pedestrian zones brimming with people armed with smartphones and unfiltered opinions. Yet here we are, witnessing a breach of both etiquette and foresight.

So, as Copenhagen begins to settle back into its familiar rhythms of orderly bike lanes and impromptu jazz performances, the city—and indeed the nation—will hopefully see this episode as a surreal anecdote reminding them of the tenacity of their leadership and the occasional need to remember national mottos. Because, in Denmark, if you cannae 'keep calm and carry on,' best be prepared for the repercussions, including the rapid intervention of well-meaning officers and the global indignation of emoji-wielding world leaders.

In the words of the timeless Danish adage, "Always count your donuts before they roll away"—a reminder that stability, democracy, and delicious pastries all require vigilance.