Five Convicted in Covid Relief Fraud: Sack of Cash Bribe Surprisingly Not Part of 'Feed the Children' Campaign
In what might be the least creative heist since someone walked off with a truckload of 'Free Money' flyers, five Minnesota residents have been convicted in a scheme to steal over $40 million intended to feed children during the COVID-19 pandemic. Apparently, their moral compass doesn't point towards 'the needy,' but rather to a luxurious lifestyle involving luxury cars and extravagant vacations. Meanwhile, two lucky ducks were acquitted, presumably to serve as examples of the age-old adage: "Close, but no luxury cigar."
The swindle is part of a larger fraud operation that misappropriated more than $250 million in federal funds, making it one of the nation's largest COVID-19-related fraud cases. Sources say they could've built a decently-sized private island with that kind of loot, but they chose fast cars and bling instead. Not quite Robin Hood, but everyone’s got their thing.
Adding an extra layer of intrigue was the courtroom drama involving a $120,000 bribe offered to Juror #52 in a gift bag. Now, if you ever wondered how much your integrity is worth, for Juror #52, it's clearly north of six figures. However, the jury wasn’t entirely swayed by this attempted bribe; instead, it led to the dismissal of two jurors, one of whom had accepted the bribe while the other apparently just had really good hearing—the FBI is still investigating this subplot without having made any arrests thus far.
Ever the vigilant guardian of justice, the judge ordered the surrender of smartphones from all seven defendants and sequestered the jury to ensure that any further efforts to sway justice were squashed. Because nothing says 'not suspicious' like a defendant suddenly without their smartphone. It’s almost as if people committing federal crimes also happen to really enjoy texting.
Even though federal prosecutors indicated that roughly $50 million of the stolen funds have been recovered, their actual destination remains somewhat suspect: federal documents, luxury properties, or the world's most exclusive yard sale. The defendants faced charges of conspiracy, wire fraud, money laundering, and federal programs bribery, which—judging from the list—sounds more like a summer internship in political science than a criminal endeavor.
Of course, defense attorneys were quick to argue that the defendants did indeed provide "real meals to real people." What they forgot to add was that the meals consisted of caviar and truffle risotto, enjoyed somewhere between New York and Paris on a private jet. Federal prosecutors, however, dropped the truth bomb that only a tiny fraction of the funds went towards actual meals while the rest funded a lavish lifestyle that’s more 'Keeping Up With the Kardashians' than 'Feeding America.'
In an unrelated turn of events, Aimee Bock, the founder of Feeding Our Future—now more aptly titled Starving Our Futures—is awaiting trial while maintaining her innocence. Eighteen other defendants have already pleaded guilty, having taken their shot at being the next contestant on "Who Wants to Go to Minimum Security Prison?"
The bribe incident involved an unidentified woman delivering a suspiciously hefty gift bag filled with $120,000 cash to the home of Juror #52. The juror, who perhaps did not spend enough time watching crime thrillers, promptly reported the bribery attempt to the police. This newfound vigilance likely stemmed from the severe penalties for bribery of a juror, which can carry a maximum of 15 years in prison. Now, that's some serious negative ROI.
Prosecutors alleged that the defendants went full Gordon Gekko by producing false invoices, running shell companies, laundering money, committing passport fraud, and even accepting kickbacks. Think of it like a twisted summer camp, only with fewer marshmallows and more criminal activity. Those convicted feature an impressive roster: Abdiaziz Shafii Farah, Mohamed Jama Ismail, Abdimajid Mohamed Nur, Mukhtar Mohamed Shariff, and Hayat Nur. Joining them in court, though not necessarily in culpability, were Said Shafii Farah and Abdiwahab Maalim Aftin, who were both acquitted.
From April 2020 to January 2022, these modern-day pirates managed to siphon off more than $40 million intended for the Federal Child Nutrition Program. The trial, which lasted six weeks and heard testimony from over 30 witnesses, served as a stark reminder that even in the middle of a pandemic, some people see an opportunity to fraudulently thrive rather than genuinely help.
So, while the group’s fraudulent attempt to rob children of their nutrition seemed like it was lifted straight out of a twisted corporate playbook, their fate was sealed by the kind of justice system that takes no bribes, luxury cars, or impromptu vacations—just the truth, and perhaps a little bit of karmic poetry.