In an incident that stretches the limits of even the most twisted imaginations, former Mississippi police officer Michael Christian Green has been sentenced to one year in federal prison for compelling an arrestee to lick urine off the cell floor. Green's creative yet profoundly disturbing interpretation of "clean-up duty" has earned him both jail time and a reputation that will undoubtedly precede him for years to come [CNN] [NBC].

Green's mood-lightening approach to law enforcement didn't stop there. In addition to his year-long stay at Club Fed, he will also enjoy a year of supervised release, paying fines and assessments to top it off. One can only hope he's better at balancing a checkbook than crafting dehumanizing punishments [CNN].

This sadistic saga dates back to December 23, 2023—just in time to top the arrestee's holiday wish list. Green responded to a disturbance at a Sam’s Club and decided to really spread that festive cheer by commanding the unfortunate arrestee to lick urine off the cell floor, all under the threat of being beaten with a phone, according to court documents [CNN] [NBC].

Security footage reveals that the arrestee, identified only by the initials B.E., tried to inform Green of his urgent need to urinate before succumbing to nature's call in a corner of the cell. This isn't just a side anecdote—it’s the prelude to Green's magnum opus of malevolence [CNN] [NBC].

As if the moral high ground were a matter beneath him, Green filmed the degrading event with his phone after delivering the artisanal instruction to "suck it up." The victim, understandably gagging throughout the ordeal, was commanded by Green to "don’t spit it out," sealing his legacy in the annals of sadistic misdeeds [NBC].

When the City of Pearl learned of Green's unsanctioned "clean-up duty" during Christmas weekend, an independent investigation was quickly launched. By December 27, Green had resigned, undoubtedly leaving many to speculate whether his yuletide cheer was simply too much for the department to handle [NBC] [CNN].

Pearl, a city apparently eager to distance itself from any association with Green's novel custodial arts, expressed relief as federal partners swooped in to serve swift justice. This incident tarnishes the image of the Pearl Police Department, especially considering other recent incidents, such as the sentencing of six White former law enforcement officers for a racist assault in Rankin County, referred to by some as the "Goon Squad" [CNN].

In court, Green took responsibility for his actions and expressed regret, which one can only assume is a textbook example of "better late than never." The court documents maintained an eerie silence regarding the race of the individuals involved, but a spokesperson for the City of Pearl clarified that Green is White and the arrestee is Latino—an added layer to an already deeply troubling incident [NBC].

Despite Green's egregious behavior, the case underscores the importance of federal oversight in ensuring justice. The Pearl Police Department has pledged to use an independent attorney for the investigation, hoping to restore some shred of public confidence shattered by this scandal [NBC].

Green's short-lived career at the Pearl Police Department—clocking in at a mere six months after stints at other law enforcement agencies in Jackson, Mississippi—now comes to an ignominious end. As he prepares to report to the Federal Bureau of Prisons on July 26, the city can finally take solace in turning the page on this bizarre and deeply unsettling chapter in its history [CNN] [NBC]."