Rep. Ronny Jackson, who famously faced scrutiny for his own behavior in the White House, is now demanding President Biden take drug tests before and after debating Trump, citing suspected performance-enhancing drug use.

In a twist that has left Washington more puzzled than a kindergarten Rubik's Cube, Rep. Ronny Jackson, who himself has a colorful history that includes allegations of misconduct and dubious medical practices, is championing the cause for purity by calling for President Biden to undergo drug tests. With claims grounded in everything from profuse sweating to rapid hand gestures, Jackson insists Biden might be on performance-enhancing drugs—a suggestion that has the White House chuckling and Republicans scratching their heads. The move comes amid Jackson’s continued push to question the President’s mental acuity, a narrative Trump has readily fueled in his own right.

The letter, clocking in at a hefty three pages, was sent to both the President and his physician, Dr. Kevin O’Connor. Jackson's missive meticulously outlines the need for comprehensive drug testing, specifically targeting performance-enhancing substances. His request barely stopped short of a full forensic analysis, leading some to wonder if a polygraph test was lost in the mail.

Jackson’s rationale, it seems, stems from a Wall Street Journal report he lovingly clutches like a concerned parent’s PTA meeting notes. The report suggests Biden's sharpness is dulled, a claim Biden and his allies dismiss with the same ease reserved for swatting at a persistent fly. Jackson, however, is convinced that Biden's vigor at events like the State of the Union is chemically enhanced, citing behavior such as 'profusely sweating, yelling at the camera, not blinking, and frequently gesturing at a rapid rate.' Clearly, the Congressman has never met an Italian nonna.

Not one to be outdone in the world of attention-seeking stunts, former President Donald Trump has thrown his own weight behind the drug-testing demands. Trump has floated the idea that Biden receives shots to enhance his debate performance—a curious accusation coming from the man who once touted the benefits of injecting disinfectant for an entirely different purpose.

White House spokesperson Andrew Bates responded with a nod to popular culture, likening Jackson’s demand to something out of 'The Simpsons.' Bates dismissed the request with the kind of nonchalance that would make Marge Simpson proud, implying Jackson's medical judgment might be more suited for a cartoon than a congressional office.

In a backhanded compliment wrapped in political snark, another White House representative suggested Republicans might be mistaking Biden’s debated confidence for drug use simply because they can’t fathom keeping up with his performance. It’s the kind of zinger that leaves you wondering if the spokesperson moonlights as a stand-up comedian.

Of course, Jackson’s own credibility in the medical field isn’t exactly bulletproof. Allegations of being drunk on duty and dispensing prescription drugs without the strenuous paperwork have dogged him since his own White House tenure. To add a cherry on this sundae of controversy, a Pentagon inspector general report has accused Jackson of abusive behavior and sexual harassment, giving him all the credibility of a used car salesman who moonlights as a rodeo clown.

Among the barrels of ink spent on this latest demand, it’s evident that Rep. Ronny Jackson is calling for President Joe Biden to submit to a drug test before and after the CNN Presidential Debate with former President Donald Trump. As the Capitol wrestling match continues, spectators can only hope the humor remains, if not the sanity.