In a twist to the American dream, four Venezuelan migrants celebrated their few months in the U.S. by robbing a Chicago commuter on February 17, culminating in a dramatic police chase and $400 loot.

In a bizarrely twisted take on pursuing happiness, these young Venezuelan migrants decided that their welcome party in America should include a heist on a Chicago train. The group, ages 18 to 22, choked a commuter unconscious and made off with his phone and $400. The festivities hit a speed bump when police caught them in under an hour, turning their American dream into a nightmare of charges including attempted murder and robbery, with a potential side of deportation. So much for the land of opportunity!

The quartet of bandits, identified as Fernando Loyo-Rodriguez, Wilker Gutierrez Sierra, Carlos Carreno-Carreno, and Yonnier Guasamucare Garcia, have all garnered fresh entries in their criminal resumes with this brazen act. Their impromptu crime spree was cut short roughly 45 minutes later when Chicago's finest closed the case faster than it takes to binge-watch a series.

The victim, just another unsuspecting passenger trying to survive the rat race, found himself at the mercy of a knife-wielding suspect. The 49-year-old man was choked unconscious while the others rifled through his pockets, probably looking for more than just loose change. $400 and a cellphone later, the group made their dramatic exit, although it was more clumsy retreat than grand getaway.

As the dust settled, the four suspects found new accommodations courtesy of the state. Three of them, Carreno-Carreno, Loyo-Rodriguez, and Guasamucare Garcia, traded in their freedom for a remanded custody slot. Gutierrez Sierra, arguably the luckiest of the bunch, was released with electronic monitoring. A real wrist slap in the face of justice, some might quip.

Interestingly, this wasn't their first tango with the law. Just a month before their less-than-subtle heist, three of the four were caught shoplifting. For those keeping count, that’s practically a criminal hat trick within weeks of arriving in the U.S. If nothing else, they’ve certainly kept the local police entertained.

Court appearances made the gang’s new routine, with their next hearing set for August 28. Public defenders represented each suspect, perhaps trying their best to spin this tale of youthful misadventure gone awry.

If convicted of felonies, three of the suspects might soon be packing their bags for a return trip to Venezuela. It could be a short-lived American vacation if the gavel comes down hard on them. Chicago, meanwhile, continues to grapple with an influx of around 35,000 migrants over the last two years, currently hosting about 13,000 in shelters—a number more suited to a sports stadium audience than a housing solution.

In a city already juggling a myriad of other issues, this incident is an unwelcome addition. But hey, at least the suspects weren't picky about their addresses—they all cited state-funded migrant shelters as their homes. Nothing says 'Welcome to America' quite like your own funded shelter and a criminal record to match.

So, what’s next for our Venezuelan imports? Beyond the looming court case and the faint whiff of deportation, it's anyone's guess. One can only hope the American dream finds a way to scrub up and redirect its wayward followers towards less dramatic pursuits. In the meantime, Chicagoans are left to ponder the curious intersection of migration and misadventure on their daily commutes.