Rookie Jayden Daniels dazzled in his debut, completing 91.3% of his passes and leading the Commanders to a record-setting 38-33 victory over the Bengals, who are officially the league's new punching bag.

In a performance that left fans questioning why they even bother paying to watch other quarterbacks, Daniels not only became the first rookie to complete over 90% of his passes but also led his team to an impressive win, while the Bengals continued their grim quest for mediocrity, marking their worst start since 2019. With the Commanders scoring on every possession except for a couple of polite kneel-downs, it’s clear that Daniels might just be the spark the NFL needs—if only to let down fans of every other team desperate for a competitive game.

Daniels finished the day with a jaw-dropping 21 completions out of 23 attempts, racking up 254 yards and two touchdown passes. This performance not only shattered expectations but also set a new NFL rookie record for completion percentage at 91.3%. "I was really just trying to give my best," Daniels remarked afterward, perhaps suggesting that his best is more considerable than most quarterback's efforts this season.

In a sensational twist of fate, the Commanders scored on every possession except for kneel-downs at the end of each half, making them look more like a well-oiled machine than a typical football team out for a casual Sunday stroll. They even opted not to punt; the last time a team managed this, the NFL was still contemplating the definition of a catch. Their only displays of restraint were those sweet kneel-downs at the end of each half, which formed a polite conclusion to their scoring spree.

The game, however, was not entirely one-sided. The Bengals, under the guidance of Joe Burrow, managed to string together a semblance of a competitive offense. Burrow threw for a season-high 324 yards and three touchdowns, proving that while his team was fumbling the bag of results, he was still capable of tossing a few good spirals into the air. But alas, the Bengals’ first-half drives were more like a series of unfortunate events, as they settled for field goals while the Commanders were busy celebrating in the end zone.

Daniels’ historic day included a notable first career touchdown—a 1-yard pass to eligible tackle Trent Scott, who probably didn’t expect to get so much love in the passing game. "Someone has to catch the ball, right?" Scott joked, perhaps hinting that any player with hands was in play on this day.

The tension ramped up as Cincinnati clawed back to cut the Commanders' lead down to 31-26 with a touchdown pass from Burrow to Ja'Marr Chase. However, it seemed the only two points they were interested in were those already hanging on the scoreboard, as they failed on the ensuing two-point conversion attempt. When your chance to tie dissolves like bad coffee at a cheap diner, it’s hard not to feel for the poor Bengals fans long resigned to supporting their team in these dire straits.

Still, Cincinnati showed persistent spirit with a late 1-yard touchdown run by Zack Moss, narrowing the score to 38-33. But the Commanders remained unshaken, frosty under the pressure like ice in a fine bourbon. They knew how to finish strong, wrapping up the game while the Bengals trotted off with their heads hung low, continuing a tradition of subpar performances.

In the meantime, Terry McLaurin added a sprinkle of stardust to the mix, hauling in four receptions for 100 yards, including a show-stopping 27-yard touchdown that, some might argue, was the icing on an already lavish cake. For McLaurin, this game was a testament to veteran resolve amid rookie innovation, a rare combination that very well could ignite the team's season.

With the victory, the Commanders improved to 2-1 on the season, leaving fans feeling optimistic if not slightly stunned. After all, when your rookie quarterback rewrites the record books and you're still in contention this early, a genuine feeling of hope is just as heady as the rare, historic statistics they are racking up. On the contrary, Cincinnati still grapples with the existential dread of their less-than-stellar start.

As the dust settles from this electrifying contest, one thing is abundantly clear: Daniels could reshape the landscape of NFL rookies and revive the Commanders' long-forgotten glory days. The Commanders scored on every possession except for kneel-downs at the end of each half, and they managed to win the game against the Bengals 38-33. Cincinnati is off to its worst start since dropping its first 11 games in 2019, desperately awaiting their own turnaround year—whenever that might finally come.