In a game that Al Michaels dubbed 'Flag Day,' the Cowboys' 20-15 win over the Giants featured 15 penalties, leaving viewers questioning the officials' ability to keep the game moving, and maybe even the flags themselves.

As the Cowboys and Giants battled it out amidst a flurry of 15 penalties, Al Michaels couldn't help but mock the officials for their apparent obsession with yellow fabric. With 12 fouls blowing through the first half alone, the rhythm of the game was more chaotic than a marching band during a traffic jam. Meanwhile, despite Daniel Jones’ 281 passing yards, the Giants got shut out in the end zone, raising the question: With this many flags flying, should they have just played on a soccer field instead?

Michaels’ frustration was palpable as he described the atmosphere of the game, reminiscent of a poorly organized flag football match rather than a professional showdown. "It's like they just got a fresh shipment of flags and decided to use every single one of them," he quipped. "I haven’t seen this many flags since the last time I visited a fabric store that was going out of business."

The officiating crew seemed to be particularly enthusiastic in their penalty calls. Notably, the first flag of the third quarter didn’t appear until there was just 5:16 left on the clock, suggesting the officials had a thrilling halftime show to attend, rather than the typical excitement of a well-paced football game. By that time, fans were left wondering if the referees were secretly competing for a spot on America’s Got Talent with their performance art of ambiguous gestures and emphatic shouting.

With each penalty, the tension built, resembling an increasingly awkward group dinner where no one knew when to stop talking about politics. Michaels was kind enough to offer a few solutions; perhaps the NFL should invest in cleaner, snazzier flags, considering he claimed they might have been better suited for a community recycle program. While his comments were made in jest, the fans couldn’t help but reflect on the pure aesthetic joy of a clean flag versus the wash-ridden dust bunnies that likely adorned the current stock.

For the Cowboys, the win meant they could celebrate the fallout of what felt like an experimental theater production. However, the Giants, led by quarterback Daniel Jones, appeared to struggle with turning yardage into points. With 281 yards of passing, Jones racked up impressive figures, but as any football fan knows, yards alone don’t pay the bills—only touchdowns do! It’s akin to being the CEO of a company that is always close to going public but never quite makes the leap.

Despite the loss, Jones took the high road, focusing on the positives. "We moved the ball well, just need to finish in the red zone. That’s all part of the game, right?" he said, though his expression suggested he was channeling the spirit of a kitten who had just lost a catastrophic game of cat-and-mouse. A pity, because if anyone could make use of all the flags, surely the Giants could have turned this disadvantage into some sort of overpriced trophy statue, symbolizing both defeat and misdemeanors in flag etiquette.

In a final twist of irony, the game reminded everyone that football is often as much about the spectators' experience as it is about the players on the field. As unpaid referees from the safety of their couches yelled at the screen about officiating blunders, it became clear that anyone with a basic understanding of the game—and a willingness to throw around judgment—was fully engaged in the event. This means our collective therapy sessions this week will revolve around the myriad of penalties rather than the actual plays.

As the final whistle blew, it left many asking: is it time for a rule change regarding flags, or simply a nationwide spring cleaning of athletic flags everywhere? A question that may not have a definitive answer, but what is clear is this game was a pivotal moment in the history of unintentional comedic football. Perhaps it's best summed up by Michaels himself: "Next time, let’s do 'Flag Day' differently!"