After a humiliating 32-16 loss to the Jaguars in London, Patriots coach Jerod Mayo called his team 'soft'—a fitting description for a team that struggled to run the ball and cover kicks as if they were playing in slow motion.

The Patriots now sit at a dismal 1-6 record, showcasing a performance so unimpressive that even the Jaguars, who rushed for 171 yards compared to the Patriots' meager 38, are baffled by their newfound dominance. With Mayo aiming to toughen up his squad, one can only wonder if a little extra conditioning or maybe some padded jackets could turn this 'soft' football team into contenders again.

During the game, Tank Bigsby sprinted for 118 yards and added two touchdowns to the Jaguars' festive scoreboard, a performance that likely left Patriots fans wishing for a time machine to travel back to before the season began. The contrast in rushing yards—Jaguars 171, Patriots 38—paints a picture akin to trying to fill a kiddie pool with a garden hose while someone has turned on a fire hydrant nearby. 'We didn't run the ball, we didn't stop the run, and we gave up a 96-yard punt return for a touchdown,' Mayo lamented, clearly still perplexed by his team’s performance, or perhaps searching for the exit door marked 'Emergency Room for Team Morale'.

To clarify, the Patriots’ inability to get traction on the ground isn't just a footnote—it's becoming the preface of this season's storybook of despair. Mayo's critique didn't stop there. He called for his players to toughen up. In his mind, tackling drills must be viewed as a form of character development, akin to spiritual boot camp. One must ponder, though, whether a sudden influx of motivational posters around the locker room could suffice in turning this ship around, or if players need an entirely new playbook that has 'Just Try Harder' written repeatedly on every page. They certainly could use a dose of that 'tough love'.

Drake Maye chimed in, echoing the sentiments of his coach, saying that the team needed to toughen up. Such unity in discontent usually bodes well, except when you’re collectively bemoaning a compounded failure. This chorus of despair may echo loudly through their training sessions. Perhaps they could try yelling 'Rawr!' instead of counting reps. After all, sometimes all it takes to toughen up is a little theatrics mixed in with the sweat and tears.

Mayo remains a fierce believer in the potential of his team to turn things around through hard work. He likely imagines a world where the Pats morph mysteriously into a gritty team known for their toughness and resilience. For the moment, he may want to consider that the more he emphasizes improvement, the more the football gods seem to delight in their continued misfortune, like a cruel twist of fate dishing out irony by the gallon.

As the team prepares for their next challenge, fans are left contemplating the deeper existential questions that arise after such a lamentable performance: is it the glittering return of Tom Brady that they miss, or is it simply the absence of a team that can actually move the ball? Fans may soon find themselves quizzing themselves about the soft vs. hard football debate with as much fervor as a friendly neighborhood barista arguing over soy vs. oat milk—less volatile, but equally fraught with opinions. Meanwhile, the Patriots will seek to redefine ‘soft’ to mean ‘softly resilient’, stepping away from their current moniker of ‘doormat' and focusing all the while on polishing their skills, rather than their defeatist attitude.

In any case, if they truly want to avoid the label Mayo has so generously provided, we might suggest a crash course in fancy footwork—perhaps reminiscent of synchronized swimming, but on a football field. It isn’t just about winning; it’s about winning with flair. Regardless, let's see if the Patriots can channel some of the soft-spoken wisdom their coach imparts, molding themselves into a team that can finally run, tackle, and maybe—just maybe—stop the continual slide towards oblivion. After all, it’s not too late to rise from the ashes of mediocrity, or at least, they can try and make the attempts entertaining.