After resigning from Congress amid allegations that would make even a soap opera producer blush, Matt Gaetz is now charging fans $525 for personalized Cameo videos—because who wouldn’t want a birthday greeting from a former Congressman?

In a move that redefines the meaning of 'retail therapy,' Matt Gaetz has pivoted from Capitol Hill to Cameo, offering his signature blend of holiday merriment and questionable ethics for the hefty price of $525 per video. This new venture not only provides Gaetz with an opportunity to cash in on his infamous past—complete with 5-star ratings—but also hints at a possible return to the political spotlight, as he coyly teases a future run for Florida governor. Because if you can't get a job in government, why not monetize your scandalous legacy instead?

Cameo, a platform that allows fans to purchase personalized video messages from celebrities, is a curious place to navigate for public figures. It’s like a digital greeting card aisle, but with political overtones and an awkward family reunion vibe. Gaetz's decision to launch a Cameo account came shortly after he resigned from Congress, leaving behind a trail of sexual misconduct allegations that left many wondering if his next career move would be in self-parody or just self-promotion.

Gaetz's divorce from traditional politics has been anything but amicable. Following his dramatic exit from Congress, where he was under the scrutinizing gaze of ethics investigators, he has been aiming to resurface in a way that only a politician turned Cameo star could. His videos range from holiday wishes to motivational career advice, all steeped in a soup of brown-nosing political references that could make even the most devoted supporters of Donald Trump blush.

In a nod to the absurdity of his situation, Gaetz mentioned on Cameo how he was unable to order drone strikes—presumably a skill one might value in a political career. Whether this quip reflects genuine remorse or simply an attempt to add some levity to his own troubling narrative remains to be seen. In any case, one can only imagine what would ensue if his Cameo content starts including discount rates for party tricks involving sex trafficking and resistant minors.

According to sources close to Gaetz, he's taken to Cameo like a fish to water—or perhaps more accurately, like a politician to a scandal. His videos are tailored for any occasion: congratulating newlyweds, sending seasonal greetings, or even offering a well-timed motivational pep talk. There's nothing quite like receiving a message from a controversial figure who can acknowledge your milestones while simultaneously questioning your decision-making judgment.

Amid his new online fame, his wife publicly labeled him as 'unemployed,' a title that rings particularly poignant following his resignation amid those pesky allegations. In the grand scheme of things, being unemployed might sound harsh; however, if one equals being a viral sensation on Cameo as a form of employment, maybe she's onto something. After all, in a world brimming with influencers and 'online personalities,' Gaetz’s new role is at least one step above merely being 'that guy from the news.'

Interestingly, Gaetz's venture into the video greeting business hasn’t come without its accolades. His Cameo account boasts a sparkling five-star rating—because who doesn't think a Congressman facing multiple investigations is worthy of such praise? Fans likely appreciate the dual thrill of receiving a personalized message from a 'celebrity' with a flamboyant past and the added bonus of basking in the irony of supporting someone whose plethora of ethical dilemmas have turned into an art form.

While some might find the idea of celebrating life events with messages from a subsisting political figure distasteful, others have leapt at the chance to get a piece of the Gaetz brand. For just $525, you too could hear him congratulate you on a job well done. The appeal here seems to be about the Gaetz persona—a blend of charisma, controversy, and political references that often appeals to fans supporting Trump.

Beyond the personal video messages, there’s chatter about Gaetz’s potential political comeback. Not one to shy away from a lucrative opportunity, he has hinted at his aspirations for a gubernatorial run in Florida in 2026. This spectacle adds another layer to his evolving brand, as he seamlessly shifts from scandal-ridden Congressman to notable Cameo star—and possible future chief executive. If there’s one thing to be learned here, it’s that in politics, the ladder can be climbed one Cameo at a time.

In summary, while Matt Gaetz may have stepped away from the hallowed halls of Congress amid a maelstrom of allegations, he has certainly not slipped into obscurity. As he navigates his new identity as a Cameo star—charging generous fees for the awkward privilege of hearing from him—one can only wonder what the next chapter will be. Will it be more personalized video content? A political comeback? Or perhaps a tell-all exposé, filmed as an artful monologue that loops back to his time in office? Regardless, each Cameo video is a reminder that in the world of politics, the show must go on, ideally with glitzy transitions and well-prepared speeches.

As political theater continues to unfold, there’s no telling what Gaetz will offer next. Stay tuned, because if there's one thing he's mastered in the current landscape, it’s how to turn personal scandal into public entertainment—one Cameo at a time.