In an unexpected twist only rivaled by the price of Costco hot dogs, Michael Penix Jr. learned he was the Falcons' new starting quarterback while ordering a snack, replacing the benched Kirk Cousins ahead of their showdown with the Giants.

The Atlanta Falcons shocked fans and, apparently, their new quarterback when they benched Kirk Cousins after his lackluster performance and handed the reins to rookie Michael Penix Jr., who got the news while waiting for a hot dog at Costco. Penix, who led the FBS in passing yards in college, expressed both excitement and nerves about the opportunity, especially since the Giants, who previously ignored him in the draft, are the ones standing in his way for his debut.

Penix’s discovery came as a surprise, not just to him but to the entire Falcons organization. Amidst deals on bulk toilet paper and oversized jars of mayonnaise, the soon-to-be-starting quarterback managed to snag the biggest news of his career—his promotion to starter was delivered via a text message that interrupted his hot dog order. "I'm just glad I didn’t drop my dog when I found out!" Penix quipped, later clarifying that the only thing more shocking than the news was the sudden taste of the mustard he didn't ask for on the item he was about to devour.

Such an announcement might have left many athletes in a state of shock, but Penix had been mentally preparing for the possibility for a while. After all, the writing was on the wall when Kirk Cousins, the man he was replacing, saw his performance decline significantly. With only 112 yards to show for his last outing and a staggering tally of one touchdown against nine interceptions over five games, Cousins was, as they say in the sports world, in a bit of a pickle—possibly one from Costco, if he was particularly thrifty.

Drafted with the eighth overall pick in the 2024 draft, Penix's talent had previously drawn attention, not just in Atlanta, but also from the Giants, who chose wide receiver Malik Nabers over him. As fate would have it, Nabers has been somewhat of a ghost in terms of production, while Penix is ready to lay the groundwork for a promising career right in front of the team that passed him up. Now, with the Falcons locked in a compelling matchup against the Giants, one has to wonder if Nabers will still be on the field come game time, or if he’ll be picking out his favorite sausages at the local Costco like a seasoned hot dog connoisseur.

The Falcons' decision to bench Cousins comes just months after signing him to a lucrative four-year, $180 million contract. Penix’s ascension resurrects, at least temporarily, the hope that the Falcons can recover from Cousins' rocky performance. Penix found out he was the starter while shopping at Costco, in line ordering a hot dog when he got the news.

As for Penix, he recognizes the gravity of stepping into this role but remains optimistic. "I'm feeling blessed for the chance to show what I can do," he mentioned, perhaps contemplating the contrast between a lavish life at Costco and the weight of running an NFL team. Practicing plays while balancing a hot dog in one hand might prove challenging, but luckily, he can settle down with a script of the game plan now as the first official quarterback—hot dogs aside.

In the space leading up to his debut against the Giants, Penix aims to channel the determination that allowed him to lead the FBS in passing yards during his final season at Washington. While it remains to be seen whether his hot dog experience translates into a winning strategy, he must now focus on keeping his composure under pressure. After all, every good quarterback knows the importance of staying calm—even when faced with daunting defenses that rival the size of that towering stack of toilet paper they show off in store.

For fans, the wait for a change in fortunes rests with Penix; as he steps onto the field, the promise of a new offensive approach adds an exhilarating spin to a franchise longing for stability. Whether or not he can pull it all together against a Giants defense already preparing to prove their point about passing on his draft stock remains an exciting mystery—a mystery perhaps only rivaled by how long those Costco hot dogs can actually last if left unattended.

And so, with newfound responsibility and a Costco-sized appetite for victory, Michael Penix Jr. prepares to swap the tight grip of a hot dog bun for the firm hold of a football. As he approaches his first start, fans eagerly watch with bated breath—not for his quarterback prowess, but to see if he brings a slice of that Costco life to the field. Will there be a hot dog deal in store for the Falcons? Only time will tell, but one thing is certain: it certainly won’t be boring.