In what can only be described as a heartbreaking day for meat lovers and aspiring metal detectors, Wegmans Food Markets has issued a voluntary recall of its Italian Classics Uncured Pepperoni due to potential metal contamination (USA Today, 2024). The recall applies to the pepperoni with UPC code 2-07939-00000-6 and best-by dates of August 28, 2024, and August 29, 2024, so if you've got this metallic masterpiece in your fridge, it might be time to fetch a magnet (CBS, 2024).

The decision to recall the product was made "out of an abundance of caution," which is corporate-speak for "we'd rather not deal with a lawsuit from someone who chipped a tooth on a savory shard of steel." Customers who purchased the recalled pepperoni can return it to the customer service desk for a full refund, allowing them to buy a similar product that won't require a tetanus shot afterward (USA Today, 2024).

For those curious about how metal can make its way into processed meat (no, it's not a gourmet innovation), these foreign materials such as metal, hard plastic, rocks, rubber, glass, and wood can end up in food products due to machine parts breaking off during production or other similarly glamorous factory mishaps (CBS, 2024). Rubber pepperoni is still off the menu, fortunately.

Wegmans, a grocery chain with over 100 stores in Delaware, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, Pennsylvania, the District of Columbia, and Virginia, is taking no chances with this recall. Shoppers are urged not to consume the pepperoni unless they’ve always dreamt of combining their love for cured meats with their passion for metalworking (USA Today, 2024).

For those who prefer not to gamble on the quality of their iron intake, more information is available from Wegmans customer service at (855) 934-3663. No word yet if calling this number will result in a conversation with a pepperoni expert or a refrigerator repair technician, but it’s worth a try if you have questions (CBS, 2024).

It was not immediately known if anyone has had an adverse reaction from consuming the potentially contaminated pepperoni, but we can only imagine the conversation in the doctor's office: “Hey Doc, I feel a little off—could it be the iron in my diet?” "Iron? In your diet? You’ve taken 'pepper-fuhgettaboutit' to a whole new level."

For those planning a pepperoni-themed feast, this news is especially devastating. But fear not—there are plenty of other cured meats that don't come with a side of scrap metal. Just be sure to double-check those UPC codes and best-by dates if you’re shopping at Wegmans.

In summary, if you’ve got a pack of this particular pepperoni, swap it out for something a little less 'reinforced'. And if you do enjoy the thrill of a potential metal find in your meal, remember that magnets are now officially guest stars in your culinary adventures. For the rest of us, let's stick to the pepperoni that only threatens our waistlines, not our dental work.