In the high-stakes game of politics, where appearances are everything, Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson seems to have taken the adage "looking good is half the battle" to heart. Johnson, who defeated incumbent mayor Lori Lightfoot in the April 2023 runoff election, has made headlines for spending a staggering $30,000 on personal grooming over the course of a year. That’s right, $30K. Not on policy papers, not on public outreach, but on makeup and hair appointments.

Let's dive into the details. Nearly all of this princely sum went to makeup artist Denise Milloy, who operates her business, Makeup Majic, from her home on Chicago's south side. Milloy clearly found a gold mine in politics, one can only imagine if she can now afford to buy stock in the very materials she uses. The payments, decked out under descriptors like "candidate makeup for TV" before Johnson took office, became mysteriously reclassified to "event expenses" afterward. Perhaps nothing says "mayoral duties" quite like a fresh contour and an expertly blended smoky eye.

One curious detail, however, grabs extra spotlight. Johnson's campaign listed a whopping $4,000 payment to the Anthony Jones Salon. There’s just one tiny problem: the salon's owner stated he never worked with Johnson’s campaign. Maybe the haircuts were so good they were invisible? Or perhaps it was an administrative oversight, proving once again that even meticulous grooming can’t hide financial slip-ups.

But fear not, the campaign offered a perfectly polished response, explaining that the error resulted from an innocent mix-up in reporting. Because why would a gardener optimize a spreadsheet any better?

The mayor's campaign did get one salon payment right. They shelled out another $4,000 to AJ Styles Barber & Beauty Salon. With a combined total of $8,000 traded for salon trips, one might speculate Johnson aimed for a cross between a GQ model and a robust statesman.

While some eyebrows arch higher than Johnson's meticulously arched own, a campaign adviser defended the expenditures, noting that hair and makeup services are de rigueur among high-ranking public officials. Heaven forbid a whisker out of place should derail a city council meeting.

Of course, any discussion about fiscal prudence would be incomplete without contrasting Johnson’s lavish salon expenditures with his predecessor. Former Mayor Lori Lightfoot might well chuckle at the extravagance: she made only four payments of roughly $2,000 total for ‘event-makeup services’ last year. Lightfoot's subdued spending might imply she saw city running as more similar to a marathon than a pageant.

Additionally, a spokesperson for Johnson's campaign took a moment to highlight that most contributions came from working-class people and labor unions. It’s nice to picture that every trimmed whisker and powdered nose represents the beating hearts of civic-minded Chicagoans. Irony? Perhaps. Reality? Certainly.

As Johnson attempts to navigate his mayoral responsibilities (hopefully without tripping over his perfectly polished shoes), one cannot resist considering that perhaps Chicago's political landscape was indeed in need of some contouring and a touch of highlighter. In a city besieged by challenges, at least Chicagoans can rest assured that their mayor will face them looking like a million—or make that thirty thousand—bucks.