In the latest collision between modern wellness trends and common sense, the FDA has issued stern warnings about Diamond Shruumz microdose mushroom chocolates. These alluring little confections have caused more hospital trips than your uncle's “secret” barbecue sauce, prompting the FDA to step in before your next "self-care Sunday" turns into an ER visit (Fox News, June 17, 2024).

Initially, the FDA's advisory followed a spike in hospitalizations across multiple states. What began as six people from four states finding themselves in the unexpected care of ER staff has now swollen to 12 reported cases and 10 hospitalizations across eight states, including Alabama, Arizona, Indiana, Kentucky, Missouri, Nevada, Pennsylvania, and South Carolina (Fox News, June 17, 2024; USA Today, June 7, 2024). When your consumer product is on a roll across state lines like a misguided rock tour, it's time for a rebrand.

The FDA first issued its warning on June 7, 2024, but the situation has not sweetened since then (USA Today, June 7, 2024). The initial warning has now broadened to include all Diamond Shruumz products, such as chocolate bars, cones, and gummies (USA Today, June 17, 2024). Think of it as a recall that’s more inclusive than your average high school reunion.

So why are these mushroom snacks making headlines instead of dreams? Consumers are reporting severe symptoms such as seizures, central nervous system depression, abnormal heart rates, hypertension or hypotension, nausea, and vomiting (Fox News, June 17, 2024; USA Today, June 17, 2024). One could say the experience parallels ambling through a haunted house while on a rollercoaster, with none of the fun and all of the nausea.

Before a sympathetic buyer took to understanding these marvels, the Diamond Shruumz website claimed their products are lab-tested for "potency, quality, and safety," assuring wary customers that they do not contain psilocybin or any scheduled drugs (Fox News, June 17, 2024). That’s akin to promising that your morning coffee won’t contain any plutonium—both reassuring and bizarrely specific.

Naturally, the FDA isn’t going this alone. They've joined forces with their investigative wing-person, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, for an ongoing quest to unravel the mystery of why these mushroom chocolates are as friendly as a hornet's nest (Fox News, June 17, 2024; USA Today, June 17, 2024).

Retailers have been advised to halt sales and distribution of all Diamond Shruumz products and to secure any existing stock until further notice (USA Today, June 17, 2024). It’s a case where the storeroom can be referred to as the quarantine zone.

Additionally, the FDA sagely advises consumers to dispose of any Diamond Shruumz products they might have lying around (USA Today, June 17, 2024). Assuming you haven’t disregarded prior warnings and indulged in one already, of course.

In conclusion, while the idea of microdosing mushroom chocolates may sound like a charmingly modern twist to your morning routine, the FDA’s position is clear: It’s still not part of a balanced breakfast. And when your chocolate needs a warning label longer than the Great Wall, maybe it’s time to dial back to oatmeal or toast.

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