Diamondbacks owner Ken Kendrick is throwing shade at MLB's scheduling blunders after a Mets-Braves doubleheader turned into a snooze-fest, leaving his team’s playoff hopes dangling like a piñata at a toddler's birthday party.

Kendrick's frustration stems from the fact that both the Mets and Braves, having already clinched their playoff fate in the first game, decided to kick back during the second, effectively sinking the Diamondbacks’ chance of sneaking into the postseason. While Kendrick holds MLB accountable for failing to schedule the postponed games wisely, he also admitted that the Diamondbacks’ own blunders—like blowing an 8-0 lead and signing pitcher Jordan Montgomery—didn’t exactly help their cause.

With a playoff spot hanging in the balance, Kendrick watched in dismay as the Braves and Mets faced off in the doubleheader, only to witness a lackluster performance in the second game. According to him, the initial enthusiasm of clinching the playoff spot in the first match was met with a stark realization: the second game seemed to lack the same intensity, with players perhaps more focused on their post-game plans than their batting averages. That's like getting all dressed up for a party, only to discover it's just a potluck where everyone else has brought yesterday's leftovers.

Kendrick didn’t mince words when pointing fingers at MLB’s scheduling decisions. "It feels a bit like a missed opportunity, like finding out that your favorite restaurant is closed for renovations right when you’re craving that three-cheese lasagna," he remarked, suggesting that the Mets and Braves could have easily played their postponed games during their off day on Monday instead of leaving teams like his hanging. The scheduling mischief has left him questioning whether there’s a hidden motivation behind the leagues' choices or if they simply enjoy watching fans squirm.

The doubleheader stemmed from games being pushed back due to Hurricane Helene, which Kendrick indicated might be the only villain in this scenario that more closely resembles a nature documentary than a sports drama. However, what transpired was at best miscalculated and at worst a clear case of ineptitude. He shook his head at the irony of one team’s triumph coming at the cost of a rival’s hopes, all orchestrated under the whims of a schedule that apparently had a mind of its own.

In an extended soliloquy about the doubleheader debacle, Kendrick pointed to the undeniable fact that the Diamondbacks needed one of the teams to sweep the doubleheader to secure their playoff fate. Instead, both sides treated it like a friendly game of pick-up baseball, with all the tension of watching paint dry. Their reduced zeal often evoked the collective sigh of disappointed fans, who realized they had invested their hopes into two teams that were essentially ready to call it a day after the first game.

Yet, even amidst the chaos of scheduling mishaps and unceremonious matchups, Kendrick recognized that the Diamondbacks’ failures this season were of their own doing as well. Admitting their shortcomings was seemingly therapeutic for him, like unraveling one’s deepest, darkest secrets in a group therapy session of disappointed sports fans. "This isn’t all MLB's fault—after all, we did blow an 8-0 lead against the Brewers," Kendrick stated, as if that particular embarrassment floated in and out of his head like an unwelcome guest. It seems every time he thought of redemption, a flashback of pitchers throwing complete meatballs returned with a vengeance.

Adding to the list of 'what could have been,' Kendrick reflected on the infamous signing of pitcher Jordan Montgomery. His summation of Montgomery's debut in Arizona was akin to a polite dinner host trying to explain why the meatloaf tastes like cardboard: difficult to swallow. "Looking back, it was one of those horrible decisions you make, like thinking you can fix that leaky tap with duct tape. You hope for the best, but you know it’s going to lead to more trouble down the road," he remarked, a hint of amusement underlying his self-deprecation.

And so, as all eyes turn towards next season, Kendrick remains steadfast in his criticism of MLB's decision-making process while attempting to springboard towards a more hopeful future for the Diamondbacks. It’s a delicate balancing act between finger-pointing and self-reflection—like tightrope walking over a bucket of rattlesnakes. Kicking off the next campaign will require a new strategy, perhaps a schedule that ensures teams don't find themselves playing in emotional limbo, waiting for a last-minute call to fill the void left by Mother Nature or overzealous calendar planners.

Ultimately, the 2023 Diamondbacks will be remembered not just for their on-field antics but for a season filled with head-scratchers and somber 'what ifs.' Whether Kendrick can rope together the necessary talent, schedule, and perhaps a little luck remains to be seen. If nothing else, the owner is ensuring his team learns from the past mistakes while keeping a steady eye on the foul line, ready to charge when opportunity arises again, hopefully not hampered by another ill-timed doubleheader debacle.